Guarding Stephanie
by chloewren
Summary: A series of vignettes about the Merry Men and their thoughts as they guard Stephanie in some interesting situations. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

Don't worry. I will post an update to The Rift soon. But this came into my head and I thought it could be part of aseries about the thoughts of my beloved Merry men.

Guarding Stephanie-Part 1

Just a series of short vignettes on the Merry Men's thoughts as they guard Stephanie.

Lester's POV

All the guys fight over Stephanie duty- sometimes we fight to go somewhere with her , and sometimes we fight not to. Today is definitely a "fight not to go " day. Steph insisted on going to the hairdresser to get her hair fixed from her latest hair disaster and to get " lowlites", whatever the hell they are. Since she once again has gained the attention of a nut case and is being stalked, we are on high alert. That means a bodyguard with her at all times. Lucky me.

The beauty salon is in the mall, so before we even got here, I had to stand in Macy's , sticking out like a sore thumb, watching Steph try on fuck me red pumps and trying not to get a fucking hard on. All of us guys have this problem. Steph is with Ranger and therefore off limits to us ( unless we want to die painfully). But we are still guys overloaded with testosterone and so watching her tight ass lift and sway from those fucking red pumps is going to make my pants bulge. I put my hands down in front of me to try to hide the bulge. Steph looks at me and asks, " "What do you think, Lester? Will Ranger like them? " "Um, yeah." I choke out. What I meant was Fuck yes. If he doesn't he must be a damn eunuch.

She chose the pumps and we walked out- through the lingerie department- fuck. I tried not to look too hard or touch anything. This stuff is so fucking delicate and soft and lacy. I don't even want to think about Steph in this stuff or I will cream my pants like a teenager. " Ok, think of Grandma Mazur. Think of Grandma Mazur", I tell myself to lose my erection and avoid embarrassing my badass self in Macy's. Steph had SO better not want to go to Victoria's Secret.

Now I am standing here in the damn beauty salon, being stared at by a bunch of Burg soccer moms. I look pretty damn intimidating in my black Rangeman uniform and fully loaded web belt. I have huge bulging biceps that are barely covered by my black Rangeman shirt. And I am wearing three different weapons, although only two are visible. I don't think these white bread suburban women are used to seeing guys carrying. I can't believe I have to stand here. It is so boring and I can feel my testosterone level dipping,especially since I am holding Steph's Macy's bag with the red fuck me pumps in it. But I dare not wait outside the salon. My orders were not to let Steph "out of my sight" and with all that was going on, I wasn't going to let her get anywhere where I couldn't get to her quickly.

That blue haired old lady keeps looking at me and whispering – I bet mall security will be here soon. I grin slightly at her and she looks away. Steph is sitting in a chair wearing a brown plastic cape thing. One blond hair dresser keeps pouting and flirting with me. It's the bad boy thing. I smile slightly back at her and she giggles. Damn. I briefly check out the hairdressers huge breasts barely covered by the stretchy top she has on. I quickly look away and back to Stephanie. She caught me ogling the blonde's breasts and is now grinning at me. She makes me laugh.

I am trying to get into my zone standing here by the pedicure chair of the salon, but I can't because, well, I'm fucking standing by the fucking pedicure chair in a fucking hair salon. I will never live this down. The guys are probably laughing their asses off right now. The hairdresser is putting some thick brown gunk all over Steph's head while Steph reads "Celebrity Scandals". I can't believe she is wearing foil and letting someone put brown gunk all over her hair. It smells horrible, too. That's women for you.

Steph looks like she is enjoying herself. She is over being mad at me for insisting she sit in a hair chair that was not visible through the plate glass window of the store. No way am I making her an easy target. I catch the blue hair staring at me again. Damn.. Its going to be a long day. I see an issue of Maxim with Julia Stiles on the cover. Picking it up makes my testosterone level go up; but I am not here to read a magazine. I have to keep my eye on Stephanie. I page through the pages of bikini clad women, looking up every minute or so to scan the area and make sure Stephanie is still there. My attention is drawn to the blond with the big breasts again, and again Steph catches me ogling the blonde and giggles.

I put my hand near my gun when an big linebacker type walks into the salon, but it turns out he just wants a "style." What the hell kind of self respecting guy gets a "style?" Probably gay. The salon lady wants to put the guy in the swivel chair next to Steph but I glare at her , so she moves him away from Steph.

I am on alert even when I am in my zone. No one gets to Steph without going through me first. The timer near Steph dings and the salon lady tells her to go towards the back of the store, presumably to wash out the brown gunk. As Steph passes me, she leans in and whispers, " If you want to go hit on the blonde lady, its ok. I promise to stay put." She gives me a cute grin and I can't help but grin, too. Have I mentioned that we all like Steph? She brightens our days. Except when we have to stand in fucking hair salons guarding her.

Steph gets moved to sit under the round dryer. The dryers are behind me, and she will be out of my sight. I turn sideways so that I can see her. Hey, I take my orders seriously. I can't let her out of my sight. She picks up a magazine while the hair dryer hood thing blows hot air all over the brown gunk on her head. The creepy old lady who was whispering about me leaves.

Now I have in my direct line of vision a long counter with all kinds of plastic bent fingers, each with a different color of nail polish on them. Ok, that is just weird. I hear two salon ladies whispering about the "big one" in the back. Damn. Ranger should pay extra when we have to shop or shit like that. I am trying not to squirm, but I would almost rather take a bullet for Steph than guard her in a place like this. She looks at me and reads my thoughts and grins

Thirty minutes later, all the brown gunk has been washed out of Steph's hair and it is being blow dried. It is the same color as before ; but not. The sides are shorter where they cut off the singed part. The rest has some new light brown mixed with the dark brown. It makes her blue eyes stand out even more. They take the cape off and she walks over and looks at me expectantly. Oh, shit. "What do you think. Do you like it? She asks. Damn. I am bad with noticing shit about women's hair. I smile. " I like it. It is lighter colored. It is…pretty." Ok, not the suavest compliment but she looks happy with it.

I am so glad she is finally heading towards the door. I make sure I am at least two steps in front of her. Oh, no. Now Steph is fascinated by a huge display case with a fuckload of bottles of nail polish in it. She is spending forever trying to decide between two colors that are both red. There were probably 100 bottles but they were all basically the same shades of red, purple, and pink. How hard is that? Pick red, purple, or pink. I scan the area and look intimidating while Steph spends ten minutes deciding between two bottles of red polish that looked like the same damn color to me. She seems to decide, then hesitates. She looks sideways at me. "Lester? I need your opinion." Oh, fuck. " You are a guy. Which color does a guy like best?" She shows me two bottles that look like the same goddamn color to me. She looks expectantly at me. Fuck. " This one", I say, pointing to the one on the right. Flip a coin, they look the same to me. I think. Steph smiled, " Siren Red. I like that one too." She smiles because she has chosen and I smile because that means we can get the fuck out of here. She pays 85.00 for the hair and nail polish. 85? What the hell?? I can gt a haircut at the barber for 10. Damn. I put my hand lightly on her back to guide her towards the salon door, walking a step head of her and we FINALLY leave the salon. "Ok, Lester, lets stop at Mrs. Fields' and get cookies." I like Mrs. Fields because it is right next to the mall exit.


	2. Chapter 2

Guarding Stephanie Part 2

The Rangeman Bodyguard Handbook: All You Ever Need to Know about Guarding Stephanie, But Were Afraid to Ask

Written by Lester, Bobby, Tank, Woody, Binky, and Hal ( Steph's favorites)

The following book provides all information you need to know in various situations when guarding Stephanie. ( Most of which we have learned the hard way.)

**Always bring donuts**. Steph hates being guarded and will complain about it endlessly unless you give her something better to do with her mouth. ( No, not THAT you perv… we're talking donuts.) If she is eating ( the donuts) she cannot complain to Ranger about you tailing/guarding her.

**Make sure you have an extra gun. **And extra ammo. Steph hates guns and always forgets hers.

**Be ready to talk**. Ok, we know. Talking is not in your contract. Its not what Rangemen are all about. We are all about big muscles, and big, er…guns. But Steph gets bored easily and will talk to you. Worse yet she will try to make you talk back. So be ready to tell her stuff like where you got your nickname ( provided the story is clean) or other embarrassingly private things.

**Be prepared for fidgeting. **Yes, we know. You go into "your zone" on stakeouts. But Stephanie doesn't. She will fidget and squirm and it will drive you crazy until you learn to be amused by it.

**Master the "blank face."** This is what Steph calls the emotionless expression we all mastered in the military to avoid giving away our thoughts. You will need to master the blank face in order to avoid letting Steph know that you are unable to resist her smile. She is a master of getting what she wants with her smile, but don't let her know it.

**Have eyes in the back of your head. **Steph will try to escape you, especially if you are following in the car. Always have GPS on and call HQ if you lose her. She is also known for sneaking out bathroom windows to escape you. Be alert and don't let the smile fool you. Also, remember the age old " sneaking out the ladies room window" trick.

**Control your physical reactions.** Steph is HOT, but she's Ranger's, so don't come on to her unless you want to die. However, you will probably be with her in some compromising situations, ( shopping at Victoria's secret, going to the hairdresser, etc.) if she gives you a hard-on, ignore it. It happens to all of us, just do not let her see it. And definitely don't act on it. Usually, thinking about Steph's Grandma Mazur will help quell any hard-ons.

**Never Let Steph get Her Hands on your weapon-** **especially stun guns. **She has been known to charm Rangemen (we aren't naming names) out of their weapons, particularly stun guns, and then she used the gun on said Rangemen. Avoid this at all costs, or you will be the butt of jokes forever.

**Always sweep her apartment before she goes in. **Steph is a magnet for psychos, and they usually get into her apartment. ALWAYS check her apartment before letting her go in. Failure to do so that leads to her being hurt/kidnapped is punishable by immediate firing.

**Tell Ranger EVERYTHING. **Be sure to tell Ranger about ANYTHING that happens, from Steph getting upset to her getting hurt to a car blowing up, to someone looking at her funny. Ranger must know everything , but Steph will try to get you to tell him nothing. Don't fall for it. If Ranger later finds out something you should have told him, he'll kick your ass. Also, tell Ranger if she is in a weird mood or if her behavior is anything other than normal ( for her.)

**Always look like a badass. **Not only will it make you an excellent bodyguard, but it will also attract the chicks. Be sure you biceps are big enough to strain your black Rangeman shirt.

**Come up with a cute pet name to call Steph.** Most of us call her "Bomber" because ,well, bombs are attracted to her, or Bombshell, since she is one, but she isn't fond of either. BABE is off limits to anyone but Ranger, and "sweetie" is taken.

**Always have Bobby's number on speed dial.** Bobby is the medic and as such he is always on call for Steph's little accidents. She HATES hospitals, and will fight you every step of the way about going to one, even if she needs to. Bobby is a good alternative., especially if its just stitches. General rule: Take Steph to hospital if she has passed out or is bleeding profusely, otherwise, its Bobby. DO not let her deter you from getting her some sort of medical help.

**Steps to follow when Steph's car blows up. **Yes, you read that right. its not if, its when. First, be sure to get her away from it BEFORE it blows. Call 911 or Bobby if she is injured ( see above). Be sure to call the control room so we know she's ok and Ranger doesn't have to race over there. Also, Joe Morelli WILL come to any 911 call with Steph, so be prepared to get rid of him.

**Carry "Stephanie emergency" bag in vehicle at all times.** This consists of a weapon, extra clothes ( she tends to get filthy a lot), bandages, a new cell phone, and Tastycakes or other sweets. NEVER leave Rangeman without this bag.

**DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, LAUGH WHEN STEPH GETS FILTHY.** Sometimes she gets covered with food and it is extremely funny. But remember blank face (see #5 above). She will get offended if you laugh and she has a long memory, also Ranger will kick your ass. Just get clothes from emergency Stephanie bag ( see above.)

**Do not let Steph out of your sight. And absolutely never let her out of your reach. **This can be hard when she goes into the ladies room or the dressing room at the store. Stand outside and time how long she is there. If you think it is too long, check on her.

**Obviously, you should never let her get hurt. **This sounds easy, right.? That's because you don't know Steph. She constantly gets into situations where she can get hurt. If you try to stop her, she will evade you and do it anyway, or tell Ranger you wouldn't let her do something she wanted to.

**Know when ( and how) to touch her. **Touching Steph is usually a no-no, but there are certain situations where it might need to be done. You might need to her out of a place ( burning car) or into a place ( your SUV). Manhandling her is a definite no-no. Unless it is necessary to save her life. And even then, be ready to explain to Ranger why you did it.

**Be Prepared for excitement and to absolutely fall in love with her.** We all have. And despite the fact that guarding her is a pain in the ass, we all love her and wouldn't want it any other way.


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter was inspired by a guy's perspective on a doctor's visit. Please, leave reviews as I thrive on them.

Bobby's POV

I like my job with Rangeman. I get paid to carry a big gun and kick ass. Plus, chicks LOVE the big bad ass huge guy in black with big guns thing. I could get laid by a different chick every night if I wanted to. But the only chick I have been spending time with is Stephanie. She attracts stalkers like shit attracts flies. Her current stalker has yet to be identified, so Ranger has ordered one of us with her whenever she leaves the Rangeman building. Stephanie duty is usually interesting, often pain inducing, and sometimes , well, embarrassing. I drew Stephanie duty today- lucky me Today is one of the embarrassing days. I get to go with Steph to the doctor. Oh, lucky day, huh?

Steph was just as embarrassed as I was and tried to cancel the appointment, but it turns out the next opening isn't for three months. Since she needs to get some birth control pills, she really can't put it off. I guess since I am the medic, everyone figures I am fine with going to the doctor with her. Well, they are wrong. Fuck. Why the hell is Ranger always out of town for stuff like this? Bastard. He's the lucky fucker who gets to do her, he should be the one who has to go with her.

We pull into the garage of the medical building and Steph hops out of the SUV before it has totally finished moving. " You can wait here. I'll be down as soon as I am done," she says, trying to ditch me in the parking garage. I finish parking and seriously consider her plan. I'd really love to wait here, listening to classic rock on the CD player until she comes back. What is the actual chance that her stalker is going to follow her to the fucking ob/gyn and kidnap her? None, right? I mean, no self-respecting stalker would go within 100 feet of an ob/gyn, right? I sigh. As much as I am tempted to stay, I have orders. My orders are not to let her out of my sight. With my luck, I'd let her go in alone, she'd get taken, and Ranger would kill me. have I mentioned that I fucking hate Ranger?

I sighed again, thinking how I deserved a big bonus for this, and followed her to the third floor and her ob/gyn's office. But maybe I can meet some hot chick who just picked up some birth control and wants to put it to good use with me. I grin about this as I walk into the waiting room and see Steph filling out some forms. She is sitting between a table and an older lady , leaving no room for me next to her. Guess she doesn't want anyone to know I'm here with her. Can't blame her for that. I wish I wasn't here with her, too.

I am not the only guy in the waiting room, just the only badass one. The other guy is sitting next to a seriously pregnant woman who looks like she might explode any minute. He keeps looking fearfully at my fully loaded utility belt like he thinks I am going to whip out a gun and start shooting people. What a pussy. The rest of the room is filled with women and all their eyes are on me. I think a few are starting to drool. The old lady next to Steph gets called in and so I sit next to Steph. What the hell is an old lady doing here? She looks about 80. She is too old to have babies. She doesn't need birth control. She's older than Grandma Mazur. Shit. I shudder and cringe at the thought of Grandma Mazur having sex. I am going to have to see a lot of porn to wipe THAT picture from my mind.

Steph has finished the paperwork and has started thumbing through up a two year old issue of Better Homes and Gardens. Across from me is a table filled with brochures of….,yuck, anatomically correct diagrams of women's vaginas in brochures for "vaginal itching cream." Gross… ok, I know I am a medic and blood and stuff shouldn't faze me. It doesn't. Not even blood squirting out of an artery. But this is icky woman stuff. I don't even want to think about a woman's vagina other than sticking my dick in it. I don't want to think about it "itching." Yuck. I am seriously rethinking ever having sex again. A guy can live on masturbation alone, right?

I look around the room and start thinking about how many of the women are here for "itchy vaginas." I make eye contact with a cute blonde who doesn't look pregnant, so maybe she's here for birth control. I could totally do her!! I wink at her and puff out my massive chest. But then I remember the itchy vagina stuff and decide I don't want to have sex with her after all.

There is a hugely pregnant woman waiting by the wall. I hope she gets in soon, cause she might explode at any moment, and THAT would be gross. Two other women are pretending to be reading outdated magazines, but I catch them looking up all the time at me, then giggling.

There were a lot of people here before Steph so she has to wait awhile. She is ignoring me and seems to be content reading an old magazine, so I go into my zone and try to imagine that I am on the beach with a hot chick instead of inside this damn office seeing pictures of itchy vaginas. Fuck. The guys are probably laughing their asses off at the thought of me being here. I hate them. I pocket one of the brochures for vaginal cream to show Santos. Serves him right to be grossed out, too.

Finally, Steph gets called in. She walks toward the nurse and pretends not to know me. She gives me a "don't you dare" look. But I dare. I brush past the nurse and into the maze of hallways behind Steph. 'Are you the husband?," the nurse asks. I nod in the affirmative. Steph doesn't say anything because she doesn't want to make a scene. I stay behind as they weigh her. I definitely don't want to see what she weighs, if I found out, she might have to kill me.

Steph looks at me out of the corner of her eye and gives me a 'follow me in here and I will castrate you in your sleep" look. Don't worry. I don't really want to be in there anyway. I'll be in the waiting room, " I say to her. I go back and sit as far from the nasty brochures as possible. The TV is playing some medical info show that goes into graphic detail about women with heavy periods. Ok, now I feel sick. I am never going within 100 feet of a woman on her period ever again. Yuck.

I think about Steph having to wear one of those stupid paper gowns. What the hell is the point of those fucking stupid paper gowns? Like wearing a shitty piece of paper that lets your ass hang out is supposed to make you feel less naked. Fucking stupid. Steph is HOT. I think she should just let them see her naked. Nothing to be ashamed of there. I think of Steph, naked and hot and and in the stirrups. I start to think of the kind of stirrups I'd like to see her in and find myself getting a hard on. Damn. I put my hands in front of me to hide it and start to think about the Grandma Mazur sex thing again to get rid of it.

An older man walked up to the inside counter wearing a white coat. . I guess he is the doctor. What the hell? That old geezer gets to see Steph's pussy? What a fucking waste. Its probably the only way HE ever got to look at a hot chick's pussy. I go into what Steph calls my "zone" for about 20 minutes until she comes out. She walks right past me, obviously not wanting anyone to know that I am with her. Well, fuck, I'm not thrilled about being here either. I am going to kill that fucker Tank for sticking me with this duty.

She jumps back into the SUV and is quiet, probably in embarrassment. That lasts about 5 minutes, until we pass the Dunkin Donuts. We get donuts and sit in the car eating them while they fill her prescription at the pharmacy next door. Ten minutes later, we are driving home, a little brown bag with birth control pills hidden in Steph's hand. Damn. That Ranger is a lucky fucker, getting to have sex with her. Ten minutes later I am still thinking about those stirrups.


	4. Chapter 4

Hope you enjoy this. Please review as I love reviews.

Guarding Stephanie-Part 4

Hal'sPOV

I tried to keep my eyes on the road, but my attention was drawn to Steph, in the passenger seat of the SUV, talking animatedly about I have no-fucking- idea-what. Steph can really talk. None of us guys at Rangeman ever talk, unless Steph forces us to. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the side mirror. I look like a total badass. I have short cropped blondish hair, blue eyes covered by mirrored shades. I am 6'4" and slightly over 300 pounds of pure muscle. I was wearing a fully loaded utility belt, which was actually a bit uncomfortable when driving. I was armed with two guns and a knife. I was a former SEAL so I know 20 ways to kill someone with my bare hands, but I had no fucking idea how to talk to a woman. There was only one thing I felt comfortable doing around women, and it involved doing better things with my mouth than talking.

My eyes cut over to Steph, but I had no idea what the hell she was blathering on and on about. I loved Steph, don't get me wrong, all the guys do. But we usually had no fucking idea how to handle her. I always have to plan carefully around her, as if she was a time bomb that might explode if I make the wrong move. I have been a little unsure of her, especially since the time she had stunned me with my own stun gun. She had charmed me with her smile into actually surrendering my weapon. What kind of soldier EVER surrenders his weapon?

That was two years ago, but I get reminded of it every damn time I go out to guard her. That fucking Santos grins and says " Try not to let her stun you again." Anytime I guarded Steph, the guys took bets on weather or not she'd get away from me. Since the stun gun incident, she hadn't outsmarted me once. Her latest stalker was still at large, so Ranger had ordered that she never leave the Rangeman building without a guard. I am sure that it was carefully planned by the guys that I would get Steph duty today. They were waiting for me to fuck it up. And they knew what was in store for me.

"Right, Hal?", I hear her say, looking at me expectantly. Shit. I am supposed to to say something. I have no fucking idea what the hell she was talking about. I try to remember the last topic I paid attention to. Shopping? no. Tastycakes? No. That asshole Morelli? Sure as fuck no. She is still waiting, realizing that I have no clue what the hell to say. I make eye contact with her in the rearview, my face expressionless. She sighs. Steph hates "blankface."

" I said that since this is a party with a bunch of women, you won't need to go in the building with me. You can just wait outside. Right?" I pull into the parking lot of the VFW hall and give her a tiny grin. Like there was a chance in hell I'd let her get out of my sight. As much as I was going to hate this assignment, orders were orders. I wasn't going to be the butt of jokes again.

She opened the back door and pulled out a box wrapped in shiny, fluorescent pink paper that was so bright it hurt my eyes when I looked at it. It reminded me of the horrible act of womanhood that I was going to have to endure. I stayed two feet in front of Steph in the parking lot, my eyes constantly scanning.

" You will ruin it. No one will want to talk if there is a guy around. You don't really want to be there anyway, do you?," she pleaded. She damn well had that right. I opened the door for her and was assaulted by a screech that almost made my eardrums shatter.

"Steeeeepppphhhhh! I had to step away from her or get stampeded by five immense women, arms outstretched, running towards her and shrieking her name. Fuck. My head is throbbing already. Why do women screech like that? The women engulf Steph in a huge hug and I am surprised that she doesn't suffocate. 'Steph. its soo good to see you." A woman with an enormous stomach puts her hand on my biceps. "And who is this delicious man? Is he your boyfriend?" I take a step back, totally horrified by the sheer size of this extremely pregnant woman squeezing my muscular biceps. I resist the urge to yank my arm away from her. "Uh, no, ma'am," I managed to stammer out. Steph thrusts the blinding pink box at her and she lets go of my arm and walks into the main room of the VFW hall.

I debate not following Steph. After all, she is with a bunch of seriously pregnant women who can barely walk, let alone attack her. And I doubt her stalker would jump out of the cake or something. No stalker would get within 100 yards of this place. But I have orders, and they are not to let Steph out of my sight. I sigh and follow the women into the large room.

As I enter the room, my head hits something and I jerk back. A pair of pink plastic baby shoes twirl wildly in the air. Little pink plastic shoes are hanging from every light fixture. Ok, that is just creepy. After all, shoes hanging in the air are a sign of drug dealers. Poor baby isn't even born yet and they and everyone will think it is a drug dealer. I walk across the room to stay close to Steph, carefully avoiding the rest of the creepy hanging baby shoes.

I stand at parade rest just inside the doorway of the room, trying to tune out the sight and get into my zone. There are about 10 enormous pregnant women in this room, all looking like they are close to bursting. I check my belt for my cellphone in case one of them decides to drop out the kid here and I have to call 911. I shudder at THAT thought.

The woman who grabbed my bicep gets up and waddles to the front of the room, holding a roll of toilet paper. What the hell? Toilet paper? I watch in horror as they have a contest where they wrap the toilet paper around the hugest woman and shout out how many squares it will take to go around her. You have got to be fucking kidding me. And they make fun of men for watching sports? They are all screeching again and jumping up and down. Shit. I cringe. They need to stop that or they really will drop the kids right now. Steph seems to be getting into the stupid game, but at least I get to see her smile. They play some more games that involve a lot of the goddamn shrieking and I am expecting my head to explode from the noise.

Finally, it gets quiet as they stop to eat cake. Steph loves cake and I love watching her eat it. She moans and licks her lips, and her eyes roll back in her head in a blissful enjoyment of sugar. Watching her repeatedly lick her lips and moan makes me fucking hard as a rock. I can practically see the bulge in my black Rangeman cargo pants. She licks a huge dollop of icing off her fork and twirls it on her tongue. I groan and look at the linoleum tiled floor before I cum in my pants like a teenager.

My dick is so hard it hurts, but I quickly lose my erection as the women talk in detail about giving birth. Ok, I could have been quite happy living my entire life without ever hearing the word placenta, but that was not to be. Steph seems fascinated but I am traumatized for life at the thought of the blood and umbilical cords. Yuck. I think I am going to be sick. Too bad I don't have a mike so I could record this for the other guys. They deserve to be as disgusted as I am. I begin to wonder if my Rangeman insurance covers trauma therapy. I am never going anywhere near a kid ever again.

I look at my SEAL watch, silently praying that this nightmare will be over soon. I swear, I would rather be tortured by guerilla warriors than ever come to a baby shower again. They have finished eating and the largest pregnant woman sits down and opens presents from the towering mound of gifts behind her. Shit. If she has to open all those we'll be here for fucking ever.

Ok, here is the main difference between men and women. When men get a wrapped present, they rip it open quickly and get done with it. When a pregnant woman gets a present, she spends ten minutes admiring the fucking wrapping paper, opens it slowly so that she can reuse the fucking tape, slowly takes the present out so she has time to make an animated face, and then holds it up so all the other pregnant women can go "oooooohhhhh" tell her how fucking adorable and cute it is. At this rate I'll be 50 before we get the hell out of here.

The huge woman holds up yet another little set of baby clothes that are exactly the same as the one before, and all the women goo over it, and I decide that God hates me. Ok, I have to admit that the teeny little socks are kind of cute, but this is fucking ridiculous. Next, she holds up a , what the fuck is that? Fuck. It's a..a.. breast pump. Groosss. I cover my eyes and make a gagging noise as the woman all coo over this monstrosity. There is only one thing that should be that close to a woman's breasts and it's not a machine. Someone takes a picture of the huge one holding up the breast pump. Women are so fucking weird.

I try to wipe my mind of the picture of the breast pump by imagining myself with Angelina Jolie. I thankfully manage to get myself into my zone so I can blissfully ignore the rest of this horrible ordeal. Fifteen minutes later, I am jerked rudely from my zone by the sound of chairs scraping on the floor. Steph is getting up. Yes! There is a God. We can get the fuck out of here.

Steph hugs the hugest one but can hardly get anywhere close to her. Steph grabs her purse and walks towards me, ready to leave. "See. I told you. You hated that, she said. I lead her out of the room, avoiding the macabre little plastic baby shoes hanging from the lights. I am going to have nightmares about baby drug dealers in little pink plastic shoes. We make it outside and I open the SUV door for Steph, glad to be out of that hell.

All the way home Steph is going on and on talking about he fucking shower. Why does she tell me about it? I was there. I suffered through it. Why force me to relive the experience? I stop at Dunkin Donuts so she will stop talking and I can get turned on watching her eat. She looks at me out of the corner of her eye and flashes her irresistible smile. " You know, Susan is 7 months pregnant and her shower is next week. I wonder if Les would like to go."Anyone but me," I think. Ranger doesn't pay me enough to sit through another one of those showers.

I grin an evil grin. "Steph, honey. I am sure he would love it." Fuck you Santos.


	5. Chapter 5

Ram's POV

This one is not funny like the rest- I saw Ram as more of a dark, tortured soul.

Please leave feedback and let me know what you think of this chapter.

Ram's POV

I am the only one of the Rangemen who is still in the military. I am still in the reserves and just got back from my third deployment in Iraq. I am the best sniper in the military- active or reserves, so I have been into several war zones. I am six foot four, with short cropped brown hair, dark eyes, and 300 pounds of solid muscle. I am just as lethal with my hands as I am with my rifle. My fighting instincts are right at the surface, unlike most of the other guys, who haven't been in combat for awhile. I am constantly alert and I can scan a room for seconds and still remember every person, every detail. I also startle easily, as if I were still in Iraq. The slightest unexpected noise or movement has me reaching for one of the three weapons I carry on me at all times. Well, you can take the soldier out of the war, but you can't take the war out of the soldier.

I got back a week ago and have been doing monitor duty for Rangeman. Working at Rangeman is the closest thing to being in the military that you can get as a civilian. Snipers are used to sitting on one place quietly for hours at a time, so monitors is a good assignment for me. But I am also edgy and restless, so being cooped up staring at a screen all day is driving me crazy. There is only one assignment at Rangeman that is similar to serving in a war zone- its guarding Stephanie.

To guard Steph, you have to be ready for anything from an exploding car to furiously raiding the Stop and Shop for Krispy Kremes. Handling Steph is remarkably similar to handling a ticking bomb. None of us ever knew quite what to do with her, but we were all half in love with her. Since I have come back, she is the only one that can make me smile. Last week she started getting death threats from an unknown stalker. And with Ranger out of town, I get to keep Steph safe.

I drove to Steph's apartment and backed into the space- a habit I picked up because you never know when you might need to get out in a hurry. I knocked on her door once, twice, but got no answer. I knew she was home so I got a little worried that her stalker had caught up with her. After all, her apartment was notoriously easy to get into. I drew my Glock and was about to break down the door, when I discovered that it wasn't locked. I crossed her living room and gotten to her open bedroom door when she turned around, half naked, an Ipod in her ears. She screamed and jumped about a foot when she saw me behind her with a gun. Fuck. She'd be a hell of a lot worse than scared if it had been someone else with a gun. " Ram!" What the hell are you doing? " I put the gun away and looked at her sheepishly. I knocked but you didn't answer. It was unlocked. I came in. What the hell is your door unlocked for?" I was almost yelling at her, but I wasn't angry- I was more scared for her. Anyone, including her stalker, could have walked right in here. She was so careless sometimes. She grinned at me and my eyes moved reluctantly from her bare breasts to her face. Shit, my dick was rock hard, standing at attention. " I forgot, but even if I lock it, every one comes in anyway." She did have a point there. As much as I wanted to keep staring at her small, perky breasts, I left the room, pacing and forcing my dick from attention to parade rest.

Steph and I have been back and forth across this fucking mall three times now. She "can't decide" which of the almost identical pieces of lingerie is "cuter" and so we have been walking back and forth between Victoria's Secret and Macy's for the last half hour. I have been trying to be alert to my bodyguard duties and not pay attention to how her tight ass swings and how long and sexy her legs look in those fucking heels. She can't walk very fast in them, though, so she keeps grabbing my arm and asking me to slow down. It is hard for me to walk this slow.

Now s he is holding one up of the lacy garments for the fourth time, muttering to herself, trying to decide whether to buy it. I am trying to pay attention to scanning the store, alert to my surroundings, trying to prevent myself from fondling the soft, sexy, silky garments surrounding me. The salesgirl looks at me for the hundredth time, trying to decide if the big, sexy badass in black is a perv or not. Women usually find me attractive and I never have a problem getting sex. Steph holds it up to herself and asks, "Ram, do you think Suzie's boyfriend will like this on her?" I grit my teeth to try to stop myself from cumming in my pants at the image of the lingerie on Steph. "Steph, any guy with a pulse isn't going to care about what's on her- he'll just want to get it off of her. So can we just buy it now?"

Thank God she buys the damn thing and we are finally out of the fucking mall. I hate that place. I am just about to open the door of the SUV for Steph when I hear a loud, sharp noise from the rear of the garage. My instincts take over and I throw Steph onto the ground and cover her with my body, my Glock in my hand. She makes a "umph" noise and I know I am crushing her. She wiggles under me, interrupting my intense scan of the garage. "Ram? What the hell was that all about? It was just a shitty car backfiring." I help her up, embarrassed at my overreaction and watch her brush the dirt from her skirt. She looks up at me, shakes her head, kisses my cheek, and jumps into the car, waiting for me to drive away.

The ride to the restaurant was mostly quiet. Steph had lightened the mood considerably by trying to get me to tell her how I got the nickname Ram. Like I would ever tell her that it was because I liked to ram my… never mind. She didn't need to know that. I told her I used to live in LA and was a huge sports fan. She seemed to buy that.

I wasn't going to let a valet near this car and I sure as hell wasn't going to let Steph off while I parked. I found a spot about two blocks away and helped her the two blocks to the restaurant.

The "restaurant" is really a bar with deafeningly loud dance music pouring out the open doors. The "security guy" looks warily at my fully loaded utility belt, but I give him what Steph calls an "alpha-male" look and he leaves us alone. I steer her to a table against the wall, and stand next to her where I can see the entire bar and the doorway. "Will you sit down?" she implores. "You are drawing attention to us." Right. Like the outfit she has on won't draw attention from every male in the room.

Her friend Suzie, a petite blonde, joined her and instantly started flirting with me. I had to force myself not to react physically when she grabbed my arm and squeezed my huge biceps. "Look at these arms, oh my God…" I forced myself to relax as the blonde ran her hands over my shirt and the hard muscles underneath. "Why do you need to come here when you have a hunk of muscular goodness like this?" I stood stiffly at parade rest while she ran her fingers over my chest. Steph rescued me by grabbing her arm and sitting her down at the table against the wall. I instantly made them switch so Steph was sitting against the wall. Hell, my job was to protect Steph, not this viper.

I hadn't been in a bar for awhile and the noise and movement made my head ache, but I didn't take my eyes off Steph. Susie loved the lingerie and promised she'd wear it on the wedding night. I couldn't imagine her looking better in it than Steph would. Steph and Susie went out to the dance floor and I watched them dance next to each other. Women will never understand why guys get turned on by watching two women dance sinuously, make out, etc. I can't explain why…we just do. And turned on I was.

My fantasy of Steph and Suzie going at it was interrupted by a guy standing next to Steph, holding her arm and asking her to dance. Even though I didn't like the thought of any guy hands but Rangers on her, I would have let her dance with him- until I saw the look on her face. She must have thought he was 'skanky" because she had a look of barely disguised disgust on her face and she was politely refusing him. Steph had turned back towards the table when the guy grabbed her arm and yanked her back towards him. Ok, THAT did it. This guy touched her against her will, he was fucked.

I got to Steph's side just as the guy was trying to pull her against him, and she was trying to pull away. My fists were clenched in my effort to control myself and not touch him. I got right in his face and said, "Let. Her. Go." He looked at me and grinned, too stupid or drunk to be scared. "What is this?, he laughed. What are you, fucking Rambo?" He laughed drunkenly at his own stupid joke. Clearly this asshole needed some persuading.

All movement and sound in the bar stopped as all eyes focused on the three of us. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the bartender on the phone, presumably to the cops. Steph could clearly see the lethal look in my eyes and tried to prevent the violence that was inevitable. "Its ok, Ram, I was just telling this man that…" I moved closer to the douchebag and put my hand on his shoulder, tightening my grip so that it would eventually break his clavicle. "I said, Let. Her. Go." My grip began to tighten on his shoulder like a vise, the pressure so great that he had no choice but to let her go. I could see the relief on Steph's face. I put my hand gently on her lower back to get her out of there.

I turned to go, and my battle honed senses felt what was going to happen before it did. In a split second, I instinctively shoved Steph behind me and across the room and spun around to block the fist that the asshole had almost connected with the back of my neck. I grabbed his arm and forced him to the ground, twisting his arm to deliver the maximum pain. My knee was pressing into his back, restricting his breathing and making it impossible for him to escape me. "That was a stupid fucking move, asshole." My fingers moved reflexively towards my gun, but I couldn't shoot the guy. I didn't think he was the stalker, just a drunk asshole in a bar. I was just fastening the cuffs on him when three cops burst into the room, guns drawn on me. I got up from the guy with my hands in the air, showing the cops that I was no threat to them.

Two of the cops held me spread eagled against the wall, searching me and removing my weapons. I was a little pissed but forced my body to relax and be compliant. I realized they had to do their job. They had no idea if I was the aggressor or not. I directed them to look in my wallet for my Rangeman ID and my license to carry concealed. As if they couldn't tell from the black uniform that I was Rangeman. Steph was yelling , telling them to let me go and get the cuffed guy on the floor.

An hour later, the cops had taken everyone's statement, and all had agreed that I had simply restrained the asshole who was out of control in the bar. I had retrieved all my weapons and was leading Steph out of the bar. She yawned and leaned against me as we walked back to the car. I held the door for her and she got in. Before I could start the car, she touched my face and smiled. "Ram, my hero." I couldn't help but smile myself and kissed her forehead. 'Steph honey, guarding you is like being in a battle zone- never a dull moment." She smiled, reclined the seat, and was asleep within minutes.

I looked over at Steph sleeping so peacefully as if she hadn't nearly been the center of a bar fight just an hour before. I chuckled. Maybe tomorrow I would ask Tank for some peaceful, boring monitor duty. I smiled down at Steph. Or not.


	6. Chapter 6

Guarding Stephanie- Chapter 6

This one is different from the others, but it wouldn't leave my mind. Please leave reviews , because they make me happy.

Binky's POV

I am new to Rangeman. In fact, I have only been here three weeks and just finished my orientation. After being in Special Forces, then an elite Bodyguard training school, I was ready for some security work. Rangeman was the best of the best, with the latest technology, the best clients, and the most badass guys. That is an area where I fit perfectly. I have huge, bulging biceps, I can bench more than 250 pounds and I was first in my unit at hand to hand combat. Plus, I simply love weapons. Guns, knives, nunchucks , it doesn't matter, I never held a weapon I didn't love and couldn't use. And then there was the fact that my hands themselves were as dangerous as any actual weapon.

I excel in bodyguard techniques, and well, I don't want to sound conceited, but I am pretty fucking hot. I mean, I have actually had women throw themselves at me. Not that I really wanted a woman for anything but, well, the obvious. I have short black hair, and when I wear my mirrored shades, well, lets just say it makes women wet.

The last task required before getting permanent status at Rangeman was guarding Stephanie. Since any one at Rangeman could be called upon to guard Stephanie at any time, being able to successfully guard her was a mandatory requirement of employment. The guys had spoken about guarding Stephanie like it was harder than guarding fucking Fort Knox. Really, how much trouble could she be? She is just one woman, after all, a full foot and about 150 pounds less than me. I listen well, though, and I know that this one relatively small woman can elude guys twice her size. Part of the problem is her smile, or so I am told. I understand the problem is that she has a penchant for getting herself into some nasty situations, and has had numerous stalkers. Plus, she is also extremely stubborn and usually refuses to listen to orders. If one of us prevents her from doing something she wants, she goes to Ranger and then we get our asses kicked. So you have to keep her from getting hurt without preventing her from doing things that will get her hurt. And this is the one fucking thing that stands between me and permanent status, so I can't fuck it up.

I have been on a stakeout with Steph and I knew she talked constantly, and she expected us Rangemen to talk back. Well, that was not in my contract. I am the tall, dark, handsome, strong, SILENT type. Emphasis on silent. Lester and Bobby have been warning me to make sure I read the Handbook before I guarded her. Apparently, there is a special handbook just about guarding her. Goddamn, she's just a woman, how hard can it be to guard her? But my military and bodyguard training taught me to always be prepared, so I read and memorized the handbook. Plus, apparently I am supposed to be nice and gregarious around her. Well, I am trained to keep her alive and safe, not to fucking entertain her. And Hal warned me never to be so charmed by her that I would give her my weapon. Right. Like I'd ever give anyone my weapon. But now I have memorized the Stephanie handbook and I am taking her out. This week she has a new stalker. Apparently she attracts them like flies.

So I am currently driving the SUV with Stephanie chattering on and on .I have no fucking idea what she is talking about. I know she is safe next to me in the car, so I am driving and scanning to make sure we are not being followed. I am also noticing the GPS blip right on top of the SUV blip on the screen. It is the tracker in her purse. I can't help but be amused that the girl gets away so much they actually have to put a tracker on HER? Well, at least that will make it easier to find her if she gets away from me. Which, I am told, she tries to do. Well, not on my watch.

Thank God there is a Dunkin Donuts. I stop and we go in to get her some donuts. Now, she will be quiet for awhile. She has stopped talking, but now she is making these sexy little moaning noises while she eats, almost like she's having an orgasm. I glance over and see her licking her lips, her head thrown back, having a sugar orgasm. That is so fucking hot. My pants instantly bulge and my hands tighten on the wheel, as I try desperately to keep my attention away form her hot little moans. At least she isn't talking anymore.

I pull up about two blocks away from the home of her current skip. I want to tell her to wait in the car, but from what the guys have told me, that will never happen. I check my primary weapon, my beloved Glock, to me sure it is ready. As if it ever isn't. I also have a tazer and pepper spray and one other gun on me. " Check your weapon, ma'am." I tell her. She looked at me and grinned, " I told you to call me Stephanie." "Yes, ma'am , Stephanie, check your gun." She tells me she doesn't have one. What the fuck? What kind of bounty hunter never uses a gun? I hand her one of mine. Not that I am letting her close enough to need it.

I walk towards the door, keeping her behind me, as stealthily as a man dressed completely in black on a sunny afternoon can. I wanted to tell her to take the front and I would take the back, so she'd be safe, but that would mean letting her out of my sight. Instead, I made sure I was in front of her as I banged on the door. "Bond enforcement." Wow. Chasing low level skips is no challenge at all. The guy was apparently just sitting in his living room, waiting for us to come and get him. I'm glad Rangeman went after the dangerous ones, I'd die of boredom with these ones. Steph cuffed him. Damn, Steph with cuffs was Hot. I packed him into the back of the SUV and secured him with leg shackles to the floor. I drove Steph to the police station to collect the body receipt.

We turned in the wimpy guy and are just getting ready to leave, when Steph locks eyes with this tall, muscular guy across the room. I recognize this guy from the file as Joe Morelli, a cop and Stephanie's ex. They had parted on very bad terms. I take her arm to try to steer her around him. "Hello, Steph, who's this? Another one of Rangers guys? Are you banging them all?" Ok, I think fast and put myself between them. He looks at me, " I'll tell you, buddy, her technique needs some work. Never was very good with her mouth." From what I'd seen with the donut in the car, I doubted that.

I doubt Morelli would be dumb enough to hurt her in a police station with witnesses. I doubt she could hurt him physically, but part of my job is keeping her out of trouble and hitting a cop would definitely be trouble. I keep myself between them as she races towards him. " Morelli you fucking, scum-sucking pig. At least I am not the one whose slept with half of Jersey." She rushes past me and had her fist in the air. I grab her around the waist, and pull her away from him. She struggles against me, trying to get away, like that would happen. "Let me go. You have to follow orders so let me go." I tighten my hold on her, trying not to hurt her, but letting her know I mean business. "Not until you calm down. I follow Ranger's orders and they are not to let you get into trouble. When you calm down I will let you go." I feel her breathing start to calm and she starts to relax in my arms. I let her go, but keep my hands ready in case I have to grab her again. She just gives Joe an evil "Burg glare" and walks back to the SUV. She was pretty quiet on the ride to Vinnie's to get her bond.

We went into the bonds office and she collects her bonds. I pick up some high level skips for Rangeman. As we were walking back to the car, I see she is carrying a small package she didn't have before. "Where did the hell did you get that? What is it? Why didn't you let me see it first?" My danger hackles were rising. " Binky, relax, I know who its from. THE UPS guy dropped it off. Its probably the stuff I ordered online. I look at the package and its odd shape alarms me. It starts to rattle as she turns it. She should know better than to pick up packages. Shit! I grab the package and throw it down the street, then grab Steph and take her to the ground. The package lands a short distance from us and blows up, throwing us another few feet, and throwing debris everywhere. I grab Steph and we roll to try to lessen the impact. A piece of debris hit me in the back, but barely touches me.

After a moment, I get up to survey the scene. The bomb had been pretty powerful for its size, and at least one car on the side of the road had been destroyed. If Steph had been holding it went it blew…I grabbed her and pulled her up, visually surveying her for injuries. "Are you ok?, I shout at her. " Sure, she says, but she doesn't sound sure. That was when I noticed the blood on her shoulder. Fuck! Letting Stpeh get injured is definitely not good. "Let me see, I say." She stood up and said, "Look its just a scratch. Lets get out of here before the cops come. I don't want to see Morelli again, and he always shows up at my explosions. "We get back to the SUV and I call 911 to tell them there were witnesses to the explosion and we would be in soon to give statements. We at Rangeman always try to follow the law. Ok, well, sometimes. When it suits us.

Steph is pulling her shirt down from her shoulder and revealing a fairly deep wound with some debris embedded in it. Fuck. That was much worse than a scratch. " Ok, I'm getting you to a hospital. You should be in an ambulance." I put the SUV in gear and started to pull out. " No. I hate hospitals. You KNOW I hate hospitals." I remembered the manual and was glad I had Bobby on speed dial. If she needed stitches, he could do that. " It is just a scratch, just call Bobby, " she said. He had just answered the phone, " Brown" when Stephanie passed out. Ok, that was it, it was definitely the hospital.

She woke up when were were almost back to her place. The doctors had taken the debris out of her arm, given her stitches, shots of antibiotics and painkiller, and discharged her. I had carried her into the car and she had fallen asleep the second she hit the seat. Now, we were pulling into her lot, and she was just beginning to stir. I picked her up and started to carry her inside. She was awake, but seemed kind of loopy from the drugs. She pinched one of my biceps. " Ooh, Binky, you have the sexiest muscles, next to Ranger of course. " She put her head on my shoulder. I was ok with that, but nothing else. Then, she wrapped her arms around my neck. " Binky, did anyone ever tell you that you have very sexy eyes?" Sexy eyes? What the fuck. We were in the elevator, and I gently pulled her arms from around my neck. She was out of it and had no idea what she was doing , and I am not a pig who would take advantage of that. Besides, having sex with the boss's girlfriend was definitely frowned upon in every company.

I propped Steph up against the wall of the outside of her apartment , while I drew my gun and swept the inside for danger. I wished she was staying at Rangeman, but she would be ok here. Bobby was meeting us here soon, and he'd watch her overnight. I pulled her into the apartment and carried her into the bedroom. She was asleep again, so I just took off her shoes and carefully put her into the bed, leaving her dirty clothes on. I was so not going to take them off. Bobby came in just them. Damn. I hadn't even heard him. "How's she doing?" he asked. He looked quickly at the wound and then covered her up again. He had left a date to come here and care for her. These guys must really love her. I was starting to see why. She was incredible.

Fifteen minutes later, I was back at Rangeman. Steph was snuggled safely and relatively healthy under Bobby's watchful eye. I went and reported immediately to Ranger, as protocol dicatated. He listened and then dismissed me.

I met Tank in the hallway. "Well, well, you survived. You kept Steph safe and saved her from a bomb and did everything exactly the way it says in the handbook. He gave me my permanent Rangeman ID badge and key fob. "Congratulations," you are now a permanent Rangeman employee.

I couldn't help but smile to myself. The hardest duty I would have at Rangeman would be guarding Stephanie.


	7. Chapter 7

Yes, I am working on the next chapter of The Rift, but after than angst of Acceptance, I needed something lighter. Reviews are great- I love to know what you think.

Guarding Stephanie- Part 7

Woody's POV

It was a frigid January afternoon, and I was sitting on the fifth floor of Rangeman monitoring the remote monitors on company cars and personnel. It was mind numbingly dull duty, but I was put on monitor duty a lot. That is mostly because I am the only guy at Rangeman that has never lost Steph. I am onto her tricks. For example, her visits to her parents NEVER last more than half an hour, so if her GPS is there more than 40 minutes, I know she's trying to ditch us. I am pretty good at tracking her down when she does that. In fact, Steph moves around a lot, so if her GPS signal is anywhere but the mall for more than an hour, something's up. She also has a habit of parking four blocks from where she wants to go and walking the distance. Whenever her car is parked in an unlikely spot ( like a church) it's a sign that she's doing something she doesn't want Ranger to know about.

Since Steph has attracted another of her many stalkers, there is nowhere she goes that we don't want to know about. With Ranger "in the wind", Tank is paranoid about her safety. He only allowed her to go out today without a tail since she swore she wouldn't ditch the tracker and would call in every two hours.

Monitor duty is seriously boring, so I am entertaining myself watching Girls Gone Wild on YouTube as well. I am less intense than most of the guys at Rangeman, but I am no less lethal. I was a SEAL for years, and I met Ranger and Bobby in a hand to hand combat class. I finished first in the class. We learned how to kill with our bare hands, a skill which I put to good use in Afghanistan. I take my job very seriously.

I have brown hair and dark eyes. I am 6'2", 295 pounds, and my biceps are so big they almost tear the seams of my black shirt. Even in the safety of the office I am wearing a fully loaded gun belt. Like most of the guys, I am absolutely in love with guns. I am wearing my Glock and have a pistol in my boot. I am also in charge of the shooting range. Women usually find me attractive, and I absolutely love them- in bed of course. Hey, I am a virile, healthy, powerful guy and I got the nickname Woody for a reason.

My attention leaves the Girls Gone Wild Youtube video and focuses on the blip from Steph's GPS, which has stopped on the corner of Fortner street and has been there for twenty minutes. What the hell is she doing there? Fortner is in the worst part of Trenton. She's probably going after a skip. After all the trouble Steph gets into, I figured I needed to check it out.

Have I mentioned that whoever gets monitor duty also has to hunt down/rescue Steph if needed? I called her cell and she answered on the fifth ring. She answered in a muffled voice that sounded like it was shaking with the cold. 'Hey, sweetie, what the hell are you doing stopped on Fortner in the cold?" A pause. " Woody? My goddamn car broke down." I had to hide my chuckle. Steph drove a beat up piece of shit Chevy because she was currently being too stubborn to drive one of the cars Ranger wanted to lend her. "Ok, I'll be there in ten. Stay in the car with your doors locked." I stuck Vince with my monitor duty and went to be Steph's knight in shining armour.

Ten minutes later, I had followed the GPS signal to Steph's beat up car. Knowing how cold she would be, I had stopped at McDonalds's and gotten her steaming hot fries. See, this is why I am her favorite. She was behind the wheel , grinding the engine, trying to get it to turn over. From the sound of it, it was pretty hopeless. She jumped out of the car and started kicking the tires, " I hate you. I hate you." She was kicking the car, standing within inches of speeding cars on Fortner in a shitty section of town. I ran up to her and pulled her away from the traffic lane, making sure that I was between her and the traffic. She was shivering violently from the cold. " Which part of stay in the car and lock the door did you not understand?" , I yell. I am not mad, just fearful for her. She is so careless with her safety. She and kicked the car again. ' My fucking car won't start." She was so cold that her voice was shaking. I helped her grab her purse , which was spilled on the floor of the car. " Where is your gun?" I asked. She didn't even have to say anything. The look she gave me told me she didn't have it with her. Damn. She has no insticnct for self-preservation, I swear. "Forget this piece of shit. Ranger will be glad its dead anyway."

She had no gloves on, just jeans and a jacket and boots. Her nose was bright red and she was shivering from the cold. It actually looked sort of attractive on her. We bundled into the Explorer , which was very warm, since I had turned the heat on high when I got out. She spied the McDonald's bag instantly and reached across the console to hug me. " Woody, you got me McDonalds. You are my favorite merry Man!" But don't tell the others." I couldn't help but smile at the intense pleasure she derived from something as simple as food.

I watched her in my peripheral vision as I drove. She was stuffing fries into her mouth and moaning with pleasure. Fuck. She sounded just like she was having an orgasm, and I got hard just imagining her making that sound during sex. I tried to cover the huge swelling in my groin. All of us guys are attracted to Steph, hell, you'd have to be dead not to be. But she is off limits to us, since she is Ranger's. So we can look and enjoy, but can never do anything about it, except maybe fantasize. Actually, I usually thought of Steph as more like a little sister who needs protecting.

The car was so warm I was sweating , but Steph had only just stopped shivering. " Can you take me to yoga class?" I was so surprised I almost drove off the road. 'Yoga? You?, I stammered. Steph grimaced and said, "Yeah, I don't really want to go, but I promised Ranger I would try to relax and get into a zone. Plus, he thinks I can't be still long enough to do yoga, so I have to prove him wrong." I agreed with Ranger, there was no way Steph could be still enough to make it through a yoga class, but I knew enough not to say so. That's why I am her favorite.

The yoga studio was in a small quiet section of a strip mall. As soon as we entered, Steph tried to ditch me. I couldn't blame her. I wanted to ditch myself. Few things could be as boring as watching yoga. Plus, there didn't look to be any men here to stalk her . Surely she'd be safe here. I didn't want to be there, but I take my job seriously. I wasn't to let Steph out of my sight. I wasn't going to lose her on my watch.

She went into the changing room to change and gave me a ' you had better not follow me in here" look, so I told her I'd give her five minutes, and waited outside the door. I scanned the room, always alert to my surroundings. A gorgeous redhead came in wearing a tight leotard type thing. It hugged her body like a second skin, and emphasized her already huge breasts. Instantly, I felt my dick get hard as a rock. She looked me over from head to foot as she headed into the changing room, smiling as she went by. Damn. I think I like this yoga class thing.

Ten minutes later, the class started. A middle aged , long haired woman ran the class. She was older, but damn, was she flexible, she could…damn….I didn't even know the human body could bend that way. Steph was in the middle row of women. I stood at parade rest just inside the doorway. I had a great view. Lots of asses, some of them tight, some of them…yikes. I noticed that Steph's workout outfit hugged her ass in a way that none of her other clothes did. She had a nice ass…fuck, I thought. Stop thinking about Steph's ass. I went back to looking at the old yoga leader until I managed to get myself under control. I tried to get into my zone. No, I am not as intense as Ranger, but I still have a zone. I had also mastered what Steph calls" blankface", although I didn't use it as much as Ranger. did.

I was just starting to settle into my zone when, …Holy fuck. I know there is a God because right in front of me was…"downward dog." I want to buy the guy who invented "downward dog" a beer. My attention wandered between the redhead and Steph, as the entire roomful of women bent over on hands and feet and thrust back and forth, asses high in the air and bouncing. It looked like…Damn, This was better than Girls Gone Wild. I started to sweat as I imagined having Steph ass up and thrusting back and forth with me hot inside her. Fuck, Ranger was a lucky guy. I had to quit imagining downward doggie sex with Steph or even my ironclad self- discipline would crack and I would make a move on her. Instead I watched the redhead thrust back and forth, looking at me from between her legs, making eye contact with me and licking her lips while she bounced. Fuck, I was about to ruin my pants if I kept looking at her. I looked at the wooden floor and when I looked up, they were being trees.

They were all standing on one leg with their hands in the air and one foot on the other leg. This reminded me of those sobriety tests cops make you do when they pull you over. Stand on one foot and act like a tree. The redhead has great balance, and having her arms in the air makes her breasts bigger. My eyes move to Steph and I try not to laugh. She tries to balance on one foot and almost instantly falls out of the position. Each time she tries, she falls out of it right away. It is actually funny, but I try not to laugh. She sees me watching her and glares at me.

Shit, this wasn't as boring as I thought with all the tight clothes and visible ass. The instructor has them end class by sitting cross legged on the floor with their eyes closed. They sit there for a very long time. I am impressed, Steph seems to have actually managed to achieve a zone. A calm, tranquil zone. Then her head falls forward and I realize that she has fallen asleep sitting up. She awakens when the others get up and gather their stuff. Steph walks over to me and I notice the sweat on her face and between her breasts. Fuck. Stop it, Woody, I tell myself. Don't be a pig.

I can't help it. I have earned my nickname. The redhead is wiping her face and chest with a towel and I imagine me licking the sweat off of…"Ok, Woody?" Shit. All while I was mentally fucking the redhead, Steph had been talking to me. I have no idea about what. Um, "sure' I say, having no idea what it was I had just agreed to. Steph smiled mischievously, knowing the reason for my distraction. She looked pointedly at the bulge in my pants and went back to the changing room. I watched as the women in tights bent over to get their stuff. Damn. I think I need to sign up for a yoga class.


	8. Chapter 8

This one is pretty dark. Not sure where it came from- Just came to me. Vince never gets the publicity that the others get, so I figured he deserved a story.

Please leave reviews. I thrive on them.

Guarding Stephanie-Part 8

Vince's POV

Working for Rangeman is a demanding job that very few guys can do. First of all, you have to be huge and built. Well, that's not actually on the application- something about discrimination laws- but it is an unwritten rule. Almost all of us are ex-military, all of us have seen some action in wars, and we are all the best at what we do. Anyone who works for Rangeman has to have excellent weapons skills, be good at hand –to –hand combat, have professional driving skills, and know a lot about videos, cameras and technology. I fit all the requirements. I am 6'2", 285 pounds with black hair and brown eyes. I love to shoot anything, and I was an expert marksman in the SEALS. I saw combat in Afghanistan and Iraq, and I have been out of the army for two years now.

Most of my work at Rangeman involves surveillance and video security work. I spend a lot of time looking at security monitors and staking out places. I love fieldwork but I seldom get to go into the field. I am good at something boring and so I get stuck doing it all the time. The only good things about spending my time in the office are the gym, the shooting range, and Stephanie Plum.

Stephanie works here a lot doing computer searches and she is always doing crazy things that make the office interesting. She is with Ranger but I see her so often that I have gotten to know a lot of things about her- like stay the fuck away when she is PMSing. Steph is an enigma. On one hand all of us guys love her and protect her like a little sister. On the other she drives us fucking nuts. She talks incessantly and she is always taking foolish risks. She is a sometime bounty hunter with more guts than actual skills, so she needs rescued a lot. She is very stubborn and sometimes spurns Ranger's help. None of us guys are exactly sure what the status of their relationship is right now, but we know they have been lovers and that he loves her. Steph has an amazing talent- she attracts stalkers like flame attracts moths. The last week, she has been getting death threats. Ranger has been out of town "in the wind" for a month or so now, so the guys at Rangeman have orders to bodyguard her. We take those orders very seriously. Steph , however, hates being guarded and can try to get away.

Today, I have the Stephanie shift. Orders are simple, " Don't let her out of your sight." We are serious and heavily armed. Any of us guys would die for her if we had to. Steph has been in a weird mood lately, so Tank thinks that she will respond well to me guarding her since she thinks I am less overbearing and more fun than the other guys. . Steph sees me as a more fun, laid back older brother. That's because she's never seen me in the field. I may be more fun loving in the office, but I am a badass in the field. An overprotective badass. I have no problem doing whatever I have to do to get the job done and keep Steph safe.

I am supposed to pick her up at her apartment at 9:30 and be with her all day. Steph likes to sleep late and anyone who gets her up earlier than she needs to is fucked. When I arrived at her apartment, her car is gone from the lot. Shit. She tried to ditch me. She forgets about the tracker in her car.

I pull the Escalade up behind Steph's car in front of the bonds office. I see Steph through the plate glass window. Ok, not smart. She's a fucking target there. I put on my mirrored shades and walk up to the door. I am wearing a black Rangeman t-shirt, black cargoes, black combat boots, and a black web utility belt filled with a variety of powerful and deadly weapons. I hear Lula sigh as I walk into the bonds office. She is wearing a bright orange spandex halter top that is a couple of sizes too small, and electric blue spandex pants. " ooh, here is another one of them Ranger-men" she says, coming up to me and rubbing her hands up and down my biceps. " maybe some of his men like us bigger beauties." I tried not to grimace at that thought and walked over to Steph. "Hey, darlin' , I missed you at home this morning. I'm not that bad to spend the day with.it'll be fun, maybe we'll even get to shoot someone." She turned and gave me a faint smile, not her usual full on- my-smile –is-so –damn- beautiful- that- it –makes- the –guys- give- me- whatever- I- want- smile. Shit. Looks like she's still in a bad mood. Might be a long day. I guide her away from the plate glass window and over to Connie's desk to pick up the file on her next skip. Joseph Baldio. Fuck!

Joseph Baldio. He was way the fuck out of her league. I throw the file back onto the desk. "Um, Connie, who else do you have for her? This guy is in the Rangeman bond range." Steph looked at me with narrowed eyes. Uh-oh. " Well, I am sorry there aren't any penny ante FTAs right now. And I need rent money." Damn. Ranger would rather have her live at rangeman than go after this guy. Hell, Tank would cut her a check for her rent money just to keep her from going after this guy. But she had that determined look on her face that meant she was going to do whatever the hells he wanted to whether it was safe or not.

Ok, Vince, I told myself, Gotta handle this one carefully. "Um, Steph, do you know what this guy has done? He has already served time for assault and rape and now he is wanted for murder. Kind of a scary guy." I said, hoping to talk her out of it. " I can get him", she said. Fuck. If I didn't go with her, she'd just go after him by herself. So, I called Rangeman and let Tank know who we were going after. I wasn't just being overprotective, he was way out of her league.

She started to walk back to her car, and I guided her to the Escalade. "Why can't we ever take my car," she said. She has got to be fucking kidding.. I wouldn't be caught dead in that blue and white monstrosity, not to mention its lack of security features. Damn. This was what I hated about women, they were always so fucking moody. "My car looks like a way hotter bounty hunting car, " I whispered to her, guiding her back to the Escalade. Besides, I knew from doing so damn much surveillance where Baldio was likely to hang out.

Steph was unusually quiet in the car. Just like all the guys, I prefer quiet, but from Steph it was fucking spooky. I knew she was in a bad mood, and mad at me for being overbearing with her. But I don't care. Her safety comes before protecting her feelings. Still, I really liked Steph , and I didn't want her mad at me, so I went to the one place she liked best in the world. The bakery. The minute she figured out where we were going, her face lit up and she smiled that beautiful smile. As I parked in front, she hugged me. "Vince, you're getting me birthday cake! I love you! I love you." Well, I guess the bad mood is over. She kissed me on the cheek and I instantly got a hard on. Have I mentioned that Steph is hot?

Fifteen minutes later, we pulled out of the bakery, me scanning the road and Steph eating a giant piece of birthday cake with white frosting. The cake had said, " Happy Birthday, Juan!" but I think Steph was enjoying it more than Juan would have. I stopped at a light and turned to watch Steph savor the cake. She had icing on her mouth and some was in her long hair. There were cake crumbs all over the floor. She was licking the fork and moaning in pleasure. A huge mound instantly appeared in my pants and I tried to hide it with my belt. Damn. What I wouldn't give to have her moaning like that with me inside her and…BEEP!! The honk of a horn behind me indicated that the light had turned green and I wasn't moving. Damn. She could make me totally forget everything else.

Steph had just finished the cake when I pulled up a block from the dilapidated building that was Baldio's last known address. It was a shithole apartment building outside of Trenton, populated by addicts and ex-cons. Right now, though, it looked completely deserted. I really didn't want Steph going after this guy. Maybe if I was just honest.. I grabbed her arm as she was getting out and turned her to face me. " Steph, look, I know you really want this guy, but I really wish you wouldn't go after him. I don't want you to get hurt. Just let me get some back-up and go in with the guys." Well, so much for the honest approach. . " Why do you guys always think I can't handle myself?, " she asked. Fuck, because she couldn't, not against this guy. I thought about cuffing her into the Escalade just to keep her out of harm's way. It wasn't just that it was my job, or just that Ranger would kill us if she got hurt, we all cared about her and protected her. Why the hell didn't she realize that?

I knew from the look on her face that she would never forgive me if I cuffed her into the SUV, so I concentrated on keeping her protected. I grabbed a Kevlar vest out of the back. "Here, dammit, if you must go in, wear a vest.' I buckled it on her, then donned mine. "Where's your gun?" I asked. She held out her little 38. I grabbed it and checked- fuck, it wasn't even loaded. And she wonders why the hell we think she can't take care of herself. I handed her the spare Glock from the glove compartment.

I grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at me. " Listen, if you are going in, do everything I tell you to. I am more of an expert at this than you are, so trust me. " She finally nodded and agreed to. That was too easy. Her fingers were probably crossed behind her back. I sighed and thought again about cuffing her to the steering wheel, then whispered, " stay behind me." It was impossible to creep up on the building since there was no cover.

We had only gone about 5 feet from the SUV when a shot hit the ground right in front of me. Shit. Baldio was shooting at us. Fuck. Instinctively, I grabbed Steph and shoved her back behind the giant SUV. "stay down!' I yelled at her. She crouched behind the wheel while I got the automatic rifle that we always kept in Rangeman vehicles.I crouched behind the Escalade and fired a few shots back at Baldio. I shot a few rounds at the building and when there was no return fire, I ran towards it. "Stay here. Activate the panic button in the SUV." I didn't think Baldio would come near the car, so she was safe there. Plus, there was tons of ammo, if she needed it.

I squatted up to the building, Baldio nowhere in sight. I holstered the rifle and took out my Glock. " Ok, you fucker, I yelled. get out here." I was hoping to goad him into doing something stupid. " comeon you fucking pussy." I crept forward, keeping low and sweeping each room of the building carefully, but seeing no movement. Fuck. Where the hell was that bastard? He wasn't anywhere in the building. As I was going outside, I heard a female scream. Steph's scream. Fuck.

I ran outside and saw Baldio, with Steph in front of him, holding a knife against her throat. dammit. Why the hell didn't she stay where I put her? She'd have been safe there. Now I was regretting not cuffing her to the steering wheel. Fuck. Now she was in Baldio's smelly arms with his knife against her neck. I was going to fucking kill him.

I held my Glock right on the center of his forehead. "Let her go, fuckhead.," I yelled, never letting my gaze waver from the knife in his hand. In my peripheral vision, I saw Steph squirming, trying unsuccessfully to get away from him. She was definitely getting some hand to hand self defense lessons after this. The more she struggled, the tighter he grabbed her and pressed the knife more tightly against her neck. "I'll be this one has a great pussy. I'll kill her if you don't back off." I wasn't about to give in to this fucker. " I will blow your fucking head off if you don't let her go." My gaze slid to Steph's terrified face. I could tell she was scared that he would kill her or that I would kill her trying to hit him. I gave her a quick look that I hope reassured her before I focused back on Baldio. He was gripping her even more tightly and the knife was ready to penetrate her skin. He looked panicked. I wasn't. I was calm.

" I mean it Baldio, let her go or I will fucking kill you." In response, he gripped her tighter and pressed the knife more tightly against her neck. That fucking did it. I was about to kill for the first time since I left the military. And it didn't bother me. It was him or Steph and guess who wins out. I have no remorse for removing a piece of scum sucking shit from the world.

I remained perfectly calm, and everything happened so quickly, although it seemed to me to be happening in slow motion. "Don't move, Steph." I could see her stand stock still, her trembling the only movement in her body. She'd never seen me shoot and I knew she was terrified that I'd hit her. She gasped as I pulled the trigger. Blood spattered everywhere and Steph pulled away from him and screamed as his body fell, dragging her with him.

I kicked the knife out of his reach and ran to Steph and reached down to pull her up. She was covered in blood that I hoped wasn't hers. I ran my eyes up and down her body, making sure the blood wasn't hers. She stared at me wide eyed and sort of backed away a bit from me. She was shocked, she'd never seen anyone shot in front of her before. I think she was also surprised I hadn't hit her. She was looking at me like I was a monster. "Its ok. Steph. its still me." I took her chin and gently checked her neck to be sure she hadn't been cut. Fuck. I was so relieved that she was ok. She was trembling hard and was freaked out at being covered with Baldio's blood. I wrapped her in my arms and held her, she sunk into me and let herself be comforted.

I looked down and saw Baldio writhing on the ground. At the last moment, I had altered my target and shot him in the shoulder. . Not that I had any compunction about killing him, but I figured if I actually killed him, that might upset Steph. She was clinging to me, trembling hard in my arms, sobbing. "Shh… it ok. Its over. You're ok." I picked her up and carried her to the Escalade. She was shivering hard so I turned the heat on high and locked her in.

Just then, another SUV pulled up. Manny, Zip, and Cal ran up to me. "Bout time my backup arrives AFTER the danger is over, " I joked. They grabbed Baldio, not really caring if they hurt him more, and stuffed him in back of the SUV, cuffing him to the floor. "Is she ok,man?" Zip asked, pointing to Steph. "Yeah, she's fine. Just scared." They piled into the SUV and went to drop him at the hospital, then get the bond for Steph.

I gathered my weapons and got back into the SUV. Steph had finally stopped trembling, but was still sobbing. "Oh, my God, I was so fucking scared," she said. " I thought you'd hit me." I wiped a tear from her face. " I wouldn't have taken the shot if I thought I would hit you. I was an expert shot in the SEALS. You were never in danger from me." I was worried about her. She was basically very white bread and innocent and had never really been in a life and death type situation before. Hell, she didn't even like to carry her gun. She smiled at me, and said, " Thanks, Vince. You really saved my life. I love all you merry men, but you are my favorite." I smiled, 'I love you , too,darlin." I gave her a hug and then started to drive away.

Damn! I missed fieldwork.


	9. Chapter 9

Guarding Stephanie- Chapter 9

I saw tank as a more serious type. Please leave reviews as I thrive on reviews. One more chapter after this one.

Tank's POV

Most people see a huge, bald, scowling, black man such as myself and they tend to go in the other direction. Especially a huge, bald, scowling black man wearing black cammies , a utility belt, and one visible , incredibly lethal weapon. ( I carry three weapons, actually.) What most people don't realize, though, is that I am just as dangerous without a weapon as I am with one. And I am ex- Special Forces and now a paid professional mercenary for Rangeman.

Ranger and I have been friends for years. We've saved each other's asses so many times in the military. We even survived being captured and tortured together. An experience like that tends to make for some pretty strong male bonding. That bonding is what made me join his business, Rangeman ,as the first employee and co-manager. And it HAD to be that bonding that led me to take such good care of Stephanie.

I have always been amazed that a smart, streetwise, badass entrepreneur like Ranger would be attracted to a white bread Burg girl with blue eyes, who really wasn't much good at any of the careers she had tried. Ranger protected her and gave her a job where she wouldn't get herself killed, and where we can all keep an eye on her. She gets into more trouble than you can imagine, and she can be so damn stubborn about everything. When I first met her, I thought of her as a huge annoyance, a piece of fluff to be taken care of, but she has grown on me. She is smart, determined, stubborn, funny, cute, and has more physical resilience than any woman I've ever met. At first, I looked out for her because Ranger is my boss and my friend and he told me to. Now I look after her because Ranger loves her, and so do I. I love her like you would a stubborn baby sister.

Steph is the opposite of Ranger and she is the polar opposite of me. She is only five foot seven, while I am six foot five. Steph hates to work out, Ranger and I bulge with muscle. While Ranger and I crave silence, Steph doesn't seem to know the meaning of the word. She had no idea how to achieve a zone. Ranger loves guns, they are his life, his friends, he feels naked without one. Steph hates guns and never carries one. Ranger is precise, neat, orderly, with military discipline. Steph is frenetic, spontaneous, and sometimes foolish. Ranger is a badass, people are scared of him. Ranger has a ton of money, Stephanie has none. Steph usually makes people laugh, not always intentionally. Ranger has street cred, at home in a business suit or in the ghetto, Stephanie is little white bread Burg girl.

Despite the differences between them, Ranger is desperately fascinated, in love with Stephanie, although he'd never admit it. I love Ranger like a brother, I'd take a bullet for him, as we alpha males like to say. I love Steph because he loves her, and I love her for herself. She brings out the protective instincts, the testosterone in all of us. And she often irritates the hell out of me. She is so careless sometimes. She seems to have no instinct for self-preservation. Despite the hours that Ranger had made Steph practice on the rifle range, she was still a terrible shot. Despite the GPS and tracking devices, she still gets away. Despite the hand to hand classes Ranger had insisted she have, when she downed a skip it was usually completely accidental. And I have lost count of how many of his cars she has blown up or otherwise destroyed. Not to mention how many of us "Merry men" she has destroyed. I guess part of me is surprised that she is even still alive, with all the fires and explosions she has been through.

Steph is hot. She is pretty without makeup and doesn't usually wear much, except mascara. She says she puts that gunk on "to make her brave." She will spend a lot of time in her cubicle looking into a tiny mirror and putting on lots of mascara, giving herself heavy dark raccoon lashes. Once, I watched in fascination as she carefully made sure each lash was coated with dark black gunk. Why do women wear that shit? She saw me in her peripheral vision and closed the mascara. She turned to me, and I noticed how sexy the raccoon eyes made her look. I gave her my impatient look. "Sorry, I had to put on a lot of mascara to make me brave." What the fuck? I didn't pretend that made sense. How the hell would mascara make someone brave? Its just a bunch of black goop. But she seemed serious about that, so I let it go. Women were so fucking weird sometimes. "Its ok. You don't have to be brave. That's what you have us for." Its true, Rangeman has about 20 heavily armed guys who would kill for her, and a few of us have. And when one of us wasn't with her, he still kept careful track of her. We had trackers on every one of her cars and one in her purse. Ranger knew where she was at all times.

Ranger loved her, but he wouldn't, or couldn't, tell her so. Instead, he showed her with every action. The cars, the money, the cushy job, the constant surveillance, the place to stay, everything he gave her and did for her had " I love you " all over it. They were both just too stubborn to realize it. When he first told me about meeting her and what she was like, I figured she would be a temporary amusement for him, a novelty. I figured he would tire of her soon. But it has been five years now. It was hard to believe how much she had worked her way into our minds and hearts. So much so that we'd be lost without her.

Ranger was "in the wind" and had been for a month, and Steph had once again attracted a stalker. Today I was her bodyguard, since we were shorthanded. She doesn't like having me , because she knows I won't succumb to her charms. Most of the other guys did, but I am more disciplined. My job is to keep her safe.

I had just finished a shift of Steph-guarding. We spent the day trying to track down, Henry Gomez, her latest FTA. We went to all his usual haunts, talked to all his acquaintances, I had even used force to "convince" a felon to give us information, but we still hadn't found him. Steph was so innocent that she got all wide –eyed and uncomfortable when I had to physically "convince" the guy to talk. The information had been fake. Gomez had not been at the docks on the river. Around eight Steph was frustrated and tired and I took her home. She had even fallen asleep in the car, so I knew she was in for the night.

Now it was about 11:30pm , and I was back at Rangeman finishing off some paperwork. I hate paperwork, but it is a necessary evil in a large business like this one. The office was fairly quiet, only the guys on 24 hour monitoring were in. I was almost done and ready to go down to the fourth floor to bed, when Vince came rushing into my office without bothering to knock. He had a frantic look on his face. " Tank, sir, Stephanie's panic button has been activated." " What the fuck?"

Steph had a "panic button" that she kept on her at all times. A distress call from Steph could mean any number of things , with varying degrees of seriousness. Steph might call for help when she was covered in noodles and food ( humiliating, but not serious) to being chased by a giant rabbit trying to kill her. ( Very serious.) No, I am not making up the thing with the rabbit, that is the kind of shit that always happens to Steph. That girl has more lives than a cat.

But this distress call came in the middle of the night and I didn't think she wore ithe panic button to bed. My mind digressed for a moment to contemplate what Steph DID wear to bed.

" What would you like me to do, sir? Vince was waiting for my orders. Steph was at home, asleep. How the hell could her panic button be going off?

Suddenly, the building seemed busy. A panic button call from Steph practically made all of us guys panic. I ran to the monitors with Vince. Woody had the situation on the monitor. The GPS on Steph's car bleeped happily from the parking lot of her building, where she was supposed to be fast asleep. Another signal. the one generated by her panic button, bleeped clear across town in one of the worst parts of Trenton, near the Delaware River , where we had been just that morning. Ok, so her car was home while she was somewhere else. Fuck. Woody said, "Maybe she'd been kidnapped." "Possible, " I said," but her apartment had been clear when I dropped her off, I'd checked it myself. But with the crappy locks, anyone could get in there. It was more likely though that she'd gone off after Gomez in the middle of the night in Big Blue. And now apparently there was trouble.

I sent Woody to her apartment to check if there were signs of foul play, while I went to follow the bleep of the distress call. Damn. If she went off on her own after Gomez in the middle of the night, I was going to chain her to Ranger's bed for the next twenty years. And if I didn't Ranger would. I kept my eyes on the bleeping dot on the GPS, moving closer to it as I drove. Damn. She was in the shittiest part of town, the docks, the part of town that no innocent white bred Burg girl should ever even drive through. Shit, she would have been fair game here this morning if I hadn't been in front of her. I was at home in this neighborhood, she wasn't. The night was dark and the docks were deserted, except for the few prostitutes and drug dealers, and gang bangers who huddled in the dimly lit corner where some boats were moored.

I found Steph's big blue car, driver's door wide open, near the corner of 8th and Durness. The bleep of the panic call was just a half a block down the docks, near Gomez's crappy, dark boat. I wanted to yell to her, but I didn't know how many guys there were, or what her circumstances were. I radioed Rangeman for backup in a whisper, drew my Glock, and jumped silently onto Gomez's decrepit scow. I could hear the sounds of a scuffle and female (Stephanie's?) grunting, followed by footsteps and a splash. Shit. Before I could stop the situation, I saw a dark clothed, Stephanie -sized figure jump off the boat and make a huge splash in the water. I couldn't believe she had jumped in after Gomez. What the hell was she thinking? That water was pretty damn cold and I didn't think she was a great swimmer. Fuck.

I didn't give a shit about Gomez, but I ran to the edge of the boat, quickly ditched my shoes, and jumped into the water after Stephanie. I was a SEAL so I was a powerful swimmer, and I was pretty impervious to the cold. I could hear Gomez and Steph, splashing, darting through mooring lines of the boats, Gomez trying to ditch her. I could hear Steph, breathless, yelling, " come back here you shithead." Gomez was actually a pretty decent swimmer, and Steph was losing ground on him. My night vision is excellent, so I could see Steph catch up briefly, long enough to get half a set of cuffs on him. He broke away, pushing her against the side of a boat, trapping her in the mooring lines. "Stephanie!" I yelled. I caught up quickly and grabbed Gomez, rapping him over the head with the butt of my Glock so he'd quit struggling.

I could hear the commotion of vehicles and footsteps on the docks, but I knew the cops wouldn't bother coming here. I grabbed the now dazed Gomez and dragged him back to where Steph was hanging on to the mooring ropes of the boat, tiredly treading water. I could hear her teeth chattering with the cold. She seemed a bit dazed, too, and didn't protest as I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her and Gomez towards the docks. I saw Vince and Lester, my backup, on the docks. Vince swam out to meet me and I gave the now struggling Gomez to him. I grabbed Steph tightly to me and swam her to the dock. " What the fuck were you thinking?" I yelled, shaking her in anger as I swam. "Are you fucking trying to get yourself killed?"

I lifted Steph onto the dock. "T-t-t-ank," she managed to stutter through chattering teeth. Her lips were blue from the cold and she was soaking wet and shivering violently. I was distracted for a moment by the sight of her nipples, standing perfectly erect, poking through her bra and the wet shirt she wore. She was gasping and shivering from the cold and exertion. The brief swim had been nothing but an annoyance for me, it had been physically difficult for her.

Lester came up with two huge blankets and I wrapped one tightly around Steph. He looked at Steph with a combination of anger and worry, but it was nothing compared to what I felt. I met his eyes and he got the signal to leave. Now that Steph was safe, he and Vince would take Gomez to jail.

Steph stood there shivering , looking at me, afraid to say anything. I grabbed her and pulled her back to the SUV, stuffed her in it, and turned the heat on high. I was so angry I didn't trust myself to speak just yet. I also didn't trust myself not to strangle her. She was still soaking wet and was staining the leather seats. I put the car in gear and we drove in total silence for awhile. Jesus F. Christ, I thought, she goes after a felon with no gun, then jumps into a freezing lake chasing him. Ranger would kill me when he heard about this. I drove back to Rangeman in total silence, and waited in Ranger's living room while she showered and put on dry clothes. Then I finally let my control break.

" Ok, what the hell was that all about? I thought you were safe at home and instead you are running around someplace you shouldn't chasing a violent guy and almost getting yourself frozen or drowned. What the hell is the matter with you? I guess Ranger will have to keep someone on you 24/7, even when you are sleeping." I am a lot bigger than she is and I'd never yelled at her like this, so I could tell she was scared. Shit. She knows I'd never hurt her physically. I was just hoping to scare some sense into her.

" Tank, I didn't think that…" , "That's just it, you didn't think. You never think." I interrupted. That was rude but I didn't care. I had to make her understand that this was serious shit and she could have been killed at least three ways tonight. My job was to keep her safe, if I had to scare the hell out of her to do that, then I would.

She collapsed bonelessly onto the couch and blinked furiously to keep from crying. " I can't help it, Tank Its just how I am. But I got him didn't I? So, I can do this job." Well, technically, I'd gotten him, but she probably would have eventually, if she didn't drown first. damn, I couldn't stay made at her, even when I really should be. I didn't want her to know she had swayed me, so I put on my neutral expression and left the room. She was in Ranger's apartment and I knew that if she tried to leave, the guys would stop her before she left the building.

A half hour later, I had debriefed with Vince, called Ranger, and was in the elevator to the fourth floor with Lester. I was exhausted and I took a minute to think about how badly tonight could have gone. What if we hadn't found her? What if she'd been shot? Or drowned? Lester seemed to read my thoughts and clapped me on the back. "Well, you are used to managing a whole unit in a war zone. What's the trouble with one girl?" We exchanged knowing smiles and shook our heads in commiseration. The trouble was when that girl was Stephanie. Then, we both smiled. Neither of us would want her any other way.


	10. Chapter 10

Guarding Stephanie-Part 10

This one is a little different. I got the idea for this story form jerseygirlinoxford. Please let me know what you think, as I love feedback.

Steph's POV

I looked up from the computer monitor to see the snow falling heavily outside. It was just three days before Christmas and a frigid cold outside. I shivered in the cashmere sweater Ranger had bought me. I hated the damn cold. It seemed like I was always shivering. It didn't help that Tank kept the temperature in the office somewhere around 'sub-arctic". He said it kept the guys tough.

I watched Woody across the room in just his damn fine black T-shirt that emphasized the tightly packed muscles in his bicpes. Of course, as elite special forces soldiers, all of the guys had training dealing in extremely cold weather. It seemed to somehow make them immune to it. Almost superhuman, like Ranger.

I crossed the room to look over Woody's shoulder at the video feeds from throughout the building. I shivered as a slight draft came through the elevator shaft. Woody laughed at me. "Shit, sweetheart, maybe you should come closer and I can keep you warm. " He smiled. All the guys flirted with me, but I knew it was pretty harmless. None of them would ever do anything with me. They liked me too much to take advantage of me and besides, they feared the wrath of Ranger. I smiled back and decided to take advantage of Woody's offer. I moved into the chair next to him and he put his arms around me, surrounding me with his warmth. He was like all the guys- a damn furnace. I don't know if it is the muscles, or the excess testosterone, but all the guys ran hot. Woody kept his arms around me and I moved back against his chest, savoring the heat. It made me feel protected, just like all the guys made me feel protected. I felt like no one in the world could ever hurt me with the wall of men surrounding me.

Woody smelled clean and warm and male, but nowhere near as luscious as Ranger smelled. I sighed, and Woody tightened his arms around me. He knew I missed Ranger. Woody's masculine scent made me miss the Bulgari-ness of Ranger. Woody's body was a wall of muscle, but it still wasn't Ranger's. Woody seemed to sense that my eyes were starting to cloud up. He squeezed me, "Its ok, sweetheart. He should be home in a week or so. In the meantime, you've got us." I knew that , with my latest stalker after me, all of the guys were in uber-protective mode.

I watched the monitor in the weapons room. Lester, Bobby, Hal, and Binkie were unloading lots of weapons and cold weather gear. I watched the ease and familiarity of the weapons in the guys hands. The almost reverent way Ram caressed his automatic. Lester even pulled out grenades and Bobby held an assault rifle. They looked as if they were going to invade a hostile foreign nation, not just storm a crack house. I watched Hal load an automatic, the large gun seeming like a toy in his huge hands.

I worried when the guys went on a mission like this one. Sure, they were tough and powerful and incredibly lethal, but they weren't immortal. I watched Ram don a flak jacket and I shuddered. I had a bad feeling about this job. Ram had survived three tours in Iraq, it would be terrible if he got killed in a drug raid in Trenton. Bobby had gotten shot in the arm a month ago, just a flesh wound, but what if he wasn't so lucky this time? Hal, sweet Hal, had been tazered and took one to the chest about a year ago. Binkie, well, Binkie was good, but he didn't have nearly as much experience with this thing as the rest of the guys. He could underestimate the opponent. I shuddered again in Woody's arms. Why the hell did I have such a bad feeling about this mission? Woody, more perceptive than most of the guys about my emotions, picked up on my mood and the reason for it. "Don't worry, sweetie. They 're pros. We're all the best of the best and we don't take unnecessary risks. They'll be fine."

My eyes moved from the monitor to the clock. It was almost four and I had to play Santa's helper at the retirement home where Grandma Mazur's newest flame lived at 6:00. My mother had used that famous Burg Mom-guilt to force me to do it. I was dreading having a bunch of old men with no teeth drooling over my legs and boobs in the low cut "Santa's helper" costume. I reluctantly pulled myself away from Woody's warmth. " I have to go home and shower. They are delivering my costume to my apartment at 4:00. " Woody grinned at me. " I envy Tank. I wish we were seeing you in that costume instead of a bunch of old geezers. Just stay close to Tank and the old guys won't hurt you." He hugged me and I headed to the weapons room. I felt an overwhelming desire to wish the guys good luck.

All of the guys stopped what they were doing and stared at me as I entered the room. I didn't think any woman had ever been in here. It was like a bastion of testosterone. Lester broke the silence first. " Hey, bombshell, come to give me a good luck kiss?" I ran to him and gave him a quick hug and quick kiss on the lips. I hugged each of the guys and told them to be careful. Ram and Bobby had puzzled looks on their faces, probably at my unusual show of anxiety over their mission. They went out all the time and I never came to say goodbye before. Ram grabbed me and held me against him tightly, his gun still in his right hand, as I pressed a quick kiss on his lips. "Damn. You be careful of the old geezers, too. And be sure to get pictures of you in that sweet little outfit." He squeezed me briefly and then the guys got back to their planning of the raid.

I passed Tank in the hallway. " Are you still insisting on coming with me tonight? Don't the guys need you with them?" Tank grimaced. He obviously was trying to forget about having to escort me to the retirement home tonight. " The guys can handle themselves. You , however, have a crazy after you again, so there is no way you are going anywhere without one of us. I'll be at your place at 5:30."

Tank's POV

If I heard that damn "Feliz Navidad" song one more time , I was going to fucking kill someone. I fucking HATE that song. It had been playing over and over as Steph and "Santa" had gone from room to room at the retirement center, visting the old folks. That damn song, coupled with the incessant jingling of the little jingle bells on Steph's red shoes were driving me up a fucking wall. I had followed, staying right outside the door of each room. Not that I really HAD to. I mean, most of the people here can hardly even stand up by themselves, let alone threaten Steph. I doubted her stalker lived here. And my biceps ached from clenching them every time grandma Mazur introduced all her geezer friends to the 'Negro with the package." As if that wasn't bad enough, most of them tried to feel me up, and it wasn't like I could smack a little old lady. Of course, Steph had a similar problem. All the old guys were drooling over her, taking every chance they could get to touch her breasts or her ass. And it's a good thing this place had a defibrillator, because I think the sight of Steph's legs in the short Santa suit skirt and high heeled red shoes would probably send some of the old coots into cardiac arrest.

I tried to make myself invisible as that fucking song played again, but I was no longer paying attention. I was listening intently to my radio as the raid went down on the drug house. I could hear the guys efficient communications and their request for more backup. Apparently, the place had more dealers and gang members then even our intelligence had anticipated. I could hear a lot of action and had heard several gunshots. Lester's voice, sounding calm, but urgent, " One down. requesting ambulance and backup." Ok, that was it. The guys needed me know more than Steph did.

I squeezed past the gaggle of old women ogling me and motioned for Steph to come to me. She jingled her way through the crowd fof geezers to me. " I have to leave. The guys need help with the raid. You should be ok here, but go straight home and call Woody at the control center as soon as you leave and as soon as you get home." She nodded when I asked her if she had her GPS in her purse. Damn. I didn't like letting her out of my sight with a stalker around, but the guys needed me more right now. I kissed her lightly on the forehead, and told her to be careful, then left to arm up and help the guys.

Steph's POV

I couldn't wait to get out of there. After Tank had left to go help the guys, all I could do was worry. If he was leaving me in public with a stalker around, it must really be bad. Woody called my cell the second I left the lot. " I've got you on the go, sweetie. You're leaving now. Just go straight home and I expect you to call me in fifteen minutes to let me know you are there safely." his voice didn't sound worried, but the guys are used to hiding things like that. "How's it going with the raid?. I asked, unable to hide the worry in my voice. There was a brief pause and I could hear voices over the radio in the control room coming over the line. Then Woody said, " There is a bit of a problem but nothing the guys can't handle. Just go home."

Ram's POV

The fucking crackhouse had way more crackheads in it than we'd anticipated. And from the moment we'd rolled up, they'd started firing on us. This wasn't a part of town where the Trenton PD would come, not even with a call of "shots fired." No, the PD would wait until they were sure the shooting was over and THEN come. I was relatively well protected, behind the enormous SUV, calmly blanketing the house with automatic rifle fire. Lester and Bobby were pinned down somewhere, I wasn't sure exactly, and I think Binkie had taken a bullet to the shoulder. He was still firing, though, from behind the stairwell, so he must not be too bad. The crackheads weren't very good shots, but they were shooting all over, making the possibility of getting hit with a stray bullet high.

Tank had gotten here about ten minutes ago, and under my cover fire, he had gone in to 'redecorate." The junkies had the same amount of firepower that we did, but they were crazier, more willing to take stupid chances. We were ready to just return fire and wait them out. They'd either pass out or run out of ammo eventually.

Hal's POV

I paused in the darkness to assess the situation. The place was completely dark and so I could only see shadows. I could see a large form crouched in the stairwell. It was Binkie, and he had stopped firing so he had either run out of ammo, or passed out. I heard Bobby's Lester's whispered radio communications. They had a group of about four guys surrounded upstairs. I heard a rustling ahead of me and advanced, my assault rifle drawn. I shot at the first movement I saw, knowing it had to be a hostile. The return fire diminished as I approached. " drop it, shithead." I yelled at a guy ahead of me. His druggie buddies were out of ammo and started to run upstairs.

I was in full warrior mode, creeping slowly and stealthily toward the hostiles in the next room, dodging their wild, erratic shots. My razer-sharp focus was lost when I heard Ram's incredulous, "What the fuck is she doing here? "Steph, get the fuck out of here," over the radio. I had no doubt who he was talking about but what was she doing here? She never even carried a gun and these thugs were heavily armed. She was going to get killed.

I stopped firing and listened. I could hear a faint sound of little bells. What the fuck? I knew I wasn't imagining the bells, but where the hell did fucking bells come from? Bobby and Lester had obviously heard Ram's call and were creeping down the stairs to investigate what the hell was going on.

I crept slowly ahead, my gun facing up, afraid of firing blindly and possibly hitting Steph. The druggies had suddenly stopped firing. I could hear a man's voice, but I couldn't hear what he said, then some more jingling. Bobby and Lester had come up from behind me and now the three of us advanced. I sidled up to the wall, and peered around it carefully, my weapon ready to fire. But I didn't need to.

Steph was walking between the three druggies that were left, their weapons forgotten in their laps as they ogled her breasts, their eyes transfixed at her nipples, hard and erect from the cold, pressing through the fabric. At first I wanted to kill them for staring at her like that. Bobby, Lester , and I separated and crept up on them as one of the crackheads ran his hand up her legs, goosebumped from the freezing cold, and up to her tight ass. Within seconds, we had disarmed them, and Lester and Bobby pinned them down while I grabbed Steph.

I grabbed Steph and held her tightly to me. She was so cold she was shaking violently. " What the fuck were you doing? You could have gotten killed? " 'or frozen to death." I was trying to shake her, but she was burrowing against me, trying to get warm. I held her tightly, rubbing my hands up and down her arms to warm them. I pulled her close to me under my heavy jacket and carried her to the SUV. Ram had helped Binkie to the back and Bobby was stitching up his shoulder wound. None of us could believe that she had just walked into the situation like that, but in this case it had actually paid off. She had managed to distract the druggies and get them to stop firing so we could disarm them. She shivered in my huge coat and I tried not to be distracted at her legs in those damn red shoes. I couldn't believe she had been so foolish. I wanted to kill her for doing something so risky, but I was kind of proud of her too.

She'd been able to do what all of us big, tough commandoes had not. She had in fact, saved the day. We were all amazed at her daring, but we were all going to stand in line to kill her for being so foolish. She finally stopped shivering enough to smile up at Bobby, Ram, Binkie, and I.

"For once I got to save you." Save us or been the death of us, we weren't sure which. But there was never a dull moment with Stephanie.


	11. Chapter 11

Guarding Stephanie- Part 11

I was planning to be done with this story, then this vignette popped into my head. It is based on a macho guy having to watch Momma Mia. Please leave reviews. I love reviews.

Gene's POV

Despite the fact that I am a badass mercenary , I got hurt on my last job at Rangeman. No, it wasn't my fault. I took one to the leg during a shootout where Lester and I were heavily outnumbered. No, you don't even have to ask, I killed all of mine and one of Lester's, shooting three while I was wounded. I didn't think it was that bad. I'd been hurt way worse in Afghanistan in the Special Forces. But Rangeman has insurance requirements it has to satisfy, so I wasn't allowed to go back to work until I was fully healed. Today is my first day back on "Limited duty." This means I can't do anything strenuous or fun , probably just monitor duty or paperwork.

I have been working at Rangeman for about a year now, and I love it. The pay is great, and its got excitement and danger. All the fun of the military, and a lot less chance of getting killed. Just like Ranger and the other guys, I am ex-Special Forces. I have brown hair, brown eyes and huge muscles. I am just over six feet tall. I am great with any weapon, but I specialize in explosives.

Right now, I am sitting next to Hal at a huge bank of monitors. He is watching the remote monitors, I have the internal ones. This sounds like boring duty, and it is, except for watching Stephanie's cubicle. Stephanie is Ranger's, well, Ranger's …something. I have no idea the current status of their relationship, but its somewhere between friend and girlfriend. Anyway, I love watching Steph because she is hilarious. Everyone here is so militaristic "yessir," "no sir" , etc. except Steph. She occasionally goes out in the field if there is an assignment Ranger thinks won't be too dangerous, but most of the time she is a the computer doing "searches." Steph forgets that all the cubicles have cameras. And watching her is pretty damn funny. Right now, she is listening to something on the computer headphones, and dancing to whateverthehellitis. She is standing, thrusting her hips, moving to the music, lip syncing, compeletely oblivious that anyone might be watching her. She is funny as hell. I nudge Hal " Dude, check this out."

We both watch and enjoy the scenery as Steph's ass undulates and her breasts sway to the music only she can hear. She is so fucking has her hand fisted as if she is holding a mike, lip syncing inot it. Hal and I are laughing our asses off. This will be fun video to watch later. We are startled by a cellphone ringing across the room- right from Stephanie's cubicle. stopped the show to pick up the phone. Hal and I try to listen to the conversation, but it is too quiet for me to hear. Suddenly, she stands up and walks directly towards us. We quickly change the video to that of the gym. "Hey, Hal, Gene, where's Tank? I have to go out to the movies and well, you know I can't go out without a babysitter." Steph was annoyed that Ranger had issued orders that she not leave the building without one of us with her. Well, how is it our fault that she attracts the crazy nuts of the world? She went off to find Tank.

A minute later , She came back with Tank in tow. "Gene," you are on limited duty. I want you to escort Stephanie to her friend's house and then to the movies. " Oh, fuck. Why me. " Sir?" I asked blankly. " You heard me. Rangers orders are that Steph be escorted everywhere she goes. I can't spare any active duty men in case an alarm goes off. Its you. You aren't to let her out of your sight." Shit. I looked at Hal, who was turning red with the effort of not laughing. "uh, yes, sir," I said, standing up and getting my jacket on. I had only escorted Steph a few times, but I'd heard stories from the other guys.

She blew past me, " We're picking up Mary Lou and my Grandma and going to the movies." Fuck me. Not the grandma. I need hazardous duty pay for the grandma. That lady was fucking insane. Before I left, I grabbed the "steph emergency kit" and the "Rangeman Dealing with Grandma Mazur policy" from their place in the cabinet. Hal apparently couldn't hold in his laughter anymore, and as I left I heard him say, " Have fun, Gene." Fucker.

Steph was waiting for me in the garage. I unlocked a huge black Escalade with tinted windows. I knew we were expected to be really polite, so I opened her door for her. As I pulled out of the garage, I got on the radio, " Gene in Rangeman Escalade 5" Tanks, reply, "10-4, rangeman 5, have fun."

" Where are we headed ma'am?" I ask, formally, since I don't know Steph well. She smiled at me and I knew what the guys meant when they said that her smile made them do something. Well, not me. " Call me Steph, and I'll call you Gene, Ok?" 11561 Ardmore in the Burg. We're going to pick up my friend Mary Lou.

Five minutes later I pulled the Escalade into the driveway of a small house. I followed behind Steph, scanning for danger. She knocked on the door and instantly there was the yelp of a little yippy dog. It came bounding out the door and ran to me, jumping up on me, trying like hell to sniff my crotch. I fucking hate little yippy dogs. It was jumping on me and sniffing and yapping, and I had to resist the urge to pull my Glock and shoot the little bastard. Geezus, Mary Lou had like four little kids, one baby running around naked, happily playing with his little penis. Shit. Go get it , little man. He's getting an early start on learning how to do that shit. Good for him.

After five Minutes we finally left. Steph and Mary Lou were in the back, as we drove to her parent's house. Every so often there would be a shrill little squeal , and I forced myself to check the rearview. I scanned everything as I drove, making sure we weren't followed. We finally arrived at Steph's parents house and I got out to get Grandma Mazur.

Steph went in and two minutes later came back with her Grandma. Oh, Ranger was going to have to pay dearly for this. Steph walked her grandma to the Escalade and I directed them to the backseat. There was no way Grandma was sitting up front with me. I remembered the Rangeman Grandma Mazur policy item #2- check her purse. "Ma'am" I asked politely. May I see inside your bag , please." "Just because I shot someone last…"give me the bag, ma'am,I repeated. I sure as hell hoped she gave it to me, cause I didn't want the neighbors to see a big guy wrestling a purse from a little old lady.( Rangeman grandma Mazur policy #4- no wrestling with grandma) I looked inside and removed her revolver. " Hey, sonny, give me my gun back." I put the gun in my utility belt with the others. ( Grandma Mazur Policy #1- "For the love of God, don't let her get her little old hands on a loaded weapon of any type.)" You'll get it when you are back home." She tries to grab my crotch and I have to firmly remove her hand. We got Grandma Mazur in the back ( rule #6- grandma always rides in back.) and Steph in the front and headed off. Steph was sitting sideways in the seat so she could talk to Mary Lou and the crazy lady. She got mad when I told her to turn around and put on her seatbelt. I don't care. I am a bodyguard. Her safety is my responsibility.

I went into my zone until I heard Grandma Mazur ask, " Is he another one of them Rangemen? Ranger finds the handsomest guys with the biggest packages." Steph looked sidelong at me and grinned. That Ranger especially is built. I like his package. " I choke and almost drive off the road at the thought of Grandma Mazur feeling Rangers package. The things he endures for love. Better keep her fucking hands off of me.

We arrive at the plaza and I park, backing in the huge Escalade so we can get out quickly if we need to. I don't let Steph get out until I have completely scanned the garage. Well, hell, that stalker might be here somewhere. " Oh my God, I can't wait to see it. The musical got great reviews. " I hadn't been paying attention to their chatter because I was busy keeping Grandma Mazur's hands away from my package as I assisted her out of the car( Grandma Mazure policy #8- Always help her out of the car so she doesn't fall and try to sue.) . Musical? What the fuck? They are going to see a musical? Mary Lou cried, "I have been waiting for this to come out. I love ABBA. " Oh, Jeeszus fucking Christ, please tell me that they aren't talking about what I am afraid they are talking about."I think to myself.

I contemplate waiting in the car while they see the movie, or maybe I could stand outside the theater and make sure no creepy stalker bastards go in. That was my plan until I remembered that my orders were not to let Stephanie out of my sight, and that meant especially in a dark theater. Fuck. I was going to have to do it.

I stood behind Steph while we were in line for tickets, effectively blocking anyone from getting to her. I was starting to sweat and panic. I never panic, no teven that one time in a firefight when I ran out of ammo, but I had never been in this situation before. Christ. I needed reinforcements. I hit #2 on my phone.

"Santos," "

" Dude, its Gene. I got a big problem."

"What ? Is Steph ok?"

"No she;s fine. I just, I just, can't do it, man."

" What can't you do?

" I can't go with Stephanie." Its just too horrible."

"Come on , dude. You were in Afghanistan and captured and tortured. What could be worse that that?

" I know man, but this is worse. I don't think I can stand it."

"Worse than getting shot like you did last time?"

"I'd rather get shot again."

"Dude, what the hell is the problem?"

" Steph and her grandma are taking me in to see Mama Mia…"

Instantly the line was filled with bursts of laughter from the guys, especially Bobby. For almost a minute there was no talking, no sound but the hysterical male laughter. " Shut up Brown. You've never had to endure this." Lester finally stopped laughing enough so he could gasp out some advice, " Dude, maybe it'll make you more sensitive, chicks like that." Fucker. I hung up on him and the raucous laughter on the other end of the phone line.

"IS everything ok, Gene?", Steph asked. "Oh, yeah. Good." She looked at me with that smile. " I hope you don't mind sitting through a chick flick. I've wanted to see this for months. Or maybe you can wait outside." How the fuck could I resist that smile. "I'll go in." I gasped out.

I took deep breaths as they waited in line for the popcorn. " You can do this, you can do this. You are a , Air, and Land…well, movie fucking theaters were on land. " I told myself. Steph bought popcorn, soda, and milk duds, and jujubes. I can't believe she eats all that shit and doesn't get fat.

The woman want to go into the bathroom before the movie. I don't want to let Steph out of my sight , but it I the bathroom and she has people with her. They pile all their popcorn and sodas and jujubes and milk duds on me so they can go in. Fucking great. Her I am all armed and dangerous and holding milk duds. The other guys are probably still laughing at me. Fuckers. I hate them.

When we get in the theater,everyone else there is at least 50. I am , of course, the only man. All the old ladies get attentive and look like they are going to pounce on me. Good thing I am armed. I debate again standing guard outside the theater, but I don't want to leave Steph in a dark place where I can't get to her quickly if I need to. I sit on the end , of course, with Steph next to me, then Grandma Crazy and then Mary Lou. They distribute the goodies. I have only water.

The move starts and heeey, cute chick at the beginning. Maybe this won't be so bad. Steph is smiling that gorgeous smile of hers, so I guess that makes it worth it. Wait, three cute young chicks,saaayyy…

I hear Steph sigh and snuggle down in her seat. She puts her hand on my leg. What the fuck. Erection time. " Want some popcorn?", she asks. "no thanks," I say, trying to get it to shrink so she doesn't notice it. I look at Grandma Mazur and it shrivels up quickly.

Hey this little blonde in the first scene is hot.

I think, " I could bang the shit out of that blonde chick. Then she wouldn't marry that weak little pansy.."

Next , I think- "Geezus F. Christ, the guy who played JAMES BOND is in this movie!!!!!!! How can that fucking be? I feel sick to my stomach. What kind of fucking travesty is that? Having the James Bond guy playing a pussy-whipped pansy?" I decide to cancel my membership in the 007 club. Lester and Ram will be pissed when they hear about this.

Ok, that blonde should drop that idiot and go after a guy with muscles- like me. I could fuck her silly and make her forget him."

I look at Steph and she has a look of joy on her face. I can't believe she likes this shit.

Goddam, all they fucking do is screetch in this movie. I should have brought my goddamn ear plugs. I scan the theater for any stalkers so I don't have to watch the screen. Ok, only an hour and 20 minutes left. " You can do it, Gene, be strong" I tell myself.

I start to settle in. " Hey, this movie also has some cougars. That one with the brown shoulder length hair isn't bad. I'd do her. If she saw me she'd forget about those wussy surfer boys and get a real man. , I think, flexing my muscles. I try to find some good points in this hell. I scan the theater again, and then watch Steph eat jujubes. She really as to chew on them and for some reason watching her chew like that is getting me hot. She sees me looking at her.

Holy shit! Meryl Streep's character banged three guys at the same time and now she doesn't know which one is the father? ??? Damn,where the fuck is she when I'm horny. . Stupid bastards should've used condoms. That's what they get for being so fucking stupid.

The song Dancing Queen comes on and

OH MY GOD!!!

This is worse than anything I have ever seen. All these 50ish women start to stand in the aisles and dance, shaking their oversized booties to Dancing Queen. And Grandma Mazur is standing on an empty chair, dancing to the music and waving her , hands and gyrating in the air.

Steph sees this and starts choking on a milk dud. She is coughing and I not sure if I should give her the Heimlich or get the old woman off that chair. ( I am pretty sure we're going to have to add something to the Grandma mazur policy about dancing on chairs.) Oh, god, please send me back to Afghanistan! Steph stops choking and is looking around in horror at all the middle aged woman gyrating in the aisles. Then she shrugs and gets up on the chair and starts dancing.

Ok, I watch her dance, her ass swaying and her breasts jiggling. I focus on Steph's hot body gyrating and tune out all the horror around me. Fuck. This has to be the fucking longest song ever. I always hated ABBA. Fuckers.

I stand up to try to get her off the chair, cause she is wearing heels and I bet she can't balance well in those. Steph grabs my shoulders and starts dancing with me. Ok, maybe this duty isn't so bad. Except I don't dance. Fuck am I the only sane one here? Now grandma Mazur is reaching over and trying to grab my balls . Geezus. There is not enough fucking combat pay in the world for this.

Thank God the song is over and they all sit back down again.

Just when I had recovered from that horror, I find that God truly hates me.

JAMES BOND STARTED SINGING!!!

And he sings badly. I close my eyes, hoping that I can block the image from my mind, but it is too late. He shouldn't be singing. He should be shooting and banging the hot chicks.

I try to go into a zone so I can't be tortured any more with this, but it is impossible.

There is a song called "Gimme, Gimme, and all the women on the screen start fondling guys. Of course, this is just the invitation the crazy old lady needs. She reaches across Stephanie and grabs my balls. " This young man has a fine package. I'd do him." Ok, THAT is a vision that will give me nightmares for years to come.

The music goes all the way to the credits and then the lights come up. Thank God that is over. I usher the women out of the theater and back to the Escalade.

Steph and Mary Lou are chattering wildly about the movie all the way back to the Plum's house, while I am trying to pretend that the whole thing never happened. We drop off grandma, and I unload her gun before giving it back to her. Crazy old ladies shouldn't have guns.

Then its back to Mary Lou's. That goddamn dog better not do the crotch sniffing thing again. I am not fucking in the mood. I'll shoot the bastard.

Finally, its just Steph and I in the Escalade, driving back to Rangeman. She is quiet in the car, but has a smile on her face. I back into the garage and hold the door for her. She puts her hand on my shoulder. " Gene, I know you are a macho guy and you probably hated that. All the guys do. But you were so sweet to go with us. I had such a good time." She grabbed my shoulders and kissed me on the lips. I squeezed her and said, "Sure steph, no problem." She goes to the elevator and I look right at the camera that has been monitoring this that Lester is watching and give it the finger. "Fuck you m, Santos," I say with a grin. I am ready for regular duty, please.


	12. Chapter 12

This chapter is different from the others. It is based on an actual event. Please leave feedback.

Chapter 12-

Manny's POV

I really enjoy working at Rangeman. The work is exciting, the pay is good, and once in awhile I get to shoot someone. I have the distinction among the Rangemen of being the best shot. Plus, the chicks! You wouldn't fucking believe how many chicks I can get, a hug, muscular Hispanic guy with chocolate brown eyes. I could get laid every damn night if I wanted to.

That means of course, that once in awhile you may also got shot. The last time I got shot, Stephanie pretended to be my wife to sneak into the ER to check on me. The funny thing was, she didn't even know my last name. She told the nurse she was " Mrs….uh, Mrs. Manny." That's Steph, totally bold and sweet enough to risk getting caught to check on me.

I was just finishing up firing off a clip on the shooting range when Steph walked in. I slid my eyes from my gunsite and towards her lithe form, distracted by watching her breasts, outlined by the tighly fitting t-shirt and tight jeans she wore. Steph was hot and Ranger was a lucky man. I finished my clip and then turned to where she stood waiting next to me, an impatient glare on her face. Oh, shit, now what?

"Ranger apparently left orders that I cannot leave this building without a bodyguard," she said with her best Burg attitude. I wasn't surprised. In addition to being hot, Steph was also, smart, funny, and too foolish for her own good. She could be moody and now was very pissed off. She hated when Ranger did that. But he had to. Steph attracted stalkers and nuts like furniture collected dust. She had been stalked and terrorized so many times.

I didn't usually work much with Steph, so I wasn't really sure what to expect from her. She continued, "I promised Lula I'd take her out for her birthday. And guess what? You're up." I looked up at the camera that I knew Tank was monitoring. He instantly came onto the intercom and said, "Manny, you are on Steph today." I smiled at his choice of words. Damn. I wish I was on Steph. On her naked with those breasts… " I shook my head to clear it. Get your fucking perverted mind out of the gutter, Manny." I couldn't think of Steph that way. She was Ranger's…well…just she was Ranger's. Besides, I liked Steph. She was fun. And careless as hell. She got herself into more bad situations. She had another stalker. Fuck. She might as well take out a billboard.

I went upstairs and geared up. Tank knew that I didn't usually guard Steph, so he was giving me advice. "Make sure she carries her GPS in her purse in case she gets away from you. Make sure her gun is fully loaded. Shit, make sure she carries the damn gun. And never let her out of your sight.

I followed Steph out of the building, she was still talking a mile a minute. I just sat there and let her babble on. Every so often she would pause and look expectantly at me. " Hmmm…" was all I would say, and she'd be off chatting again.

We met Lula at the bonds office. She squealed and ran to Steph, hugging her like she was a life jacket in a storm. "We haven't been out in ages. We were foing to go to the for…." The rest of Seph's words were smothered by Lula's shoulder as she hugged her. "Comeon girl, lets go!" Lula walked past me towards the door, stopping to squeeze my biceps and aske if I liked "large woman." Shit. I had nothing against large women, except when they wore Day-Glo spandex in fluorescent pink and green , the neckline so low that her massive breasts were practically spilling out. I cringed at the thought that the Spandex might soon burst like a balloon from being stretched beyond its capacity. My head was starting to throb from the loud yakking coming from the back of the car.

I drove to the west side of town, scanning for tails and trying to ignore the earth shattering screech of Lula's laughter. " Girl, this is gonna be so fun. I been wantin' to do this forever. I seen this on Good Morning Trenton. Oh, fuck. Doing anything anyone ever saw on that fucking show would be bad news.

" Manny?" Steph's voice dragged me out of my contemplation of the horrors of watching Good Morning Trenton. Well, the weather girl had amazing breasts- but they had to be fake. I looked up and made eye contact in the rear view. " Manny, its up the street about two blocks." I went two blocks but I didn't really see anything important. Just some run downhouses with shingles outside them. Steph's voice , more insistent now. " Manny. Slow down there it is on the left." She pointed and I Fuck. I felt my testosterone level plummet . No. Fucking. Way. She had to be fucking kidding. There was no fucking way I was going there. "Manny, there it is!!!" She and Lula were yelling at me now, and pointing to the shabby , dirty, white house with the dirt driveway and a small shingle- "Madame Vanessa- Fortune telling."

There was no way Steph would go there. She was a bit flighty, but nothing really spacy like that. I was unable to hide the despair on my face. " I know this stuff isn't real, but I saw this lady on Good Morning Trenton " and it looked like fun." Lula got out of the SUV and it rose a few inches once free of her weight. " We're gonna find out shit. Maybe she'll say we'll win the Lotto or something. I heard that happen once. The fortune teller told the guy he'd get lucky and then he won the Lotto."

I sat in the car, trying to muster my courage. I would rather gouge out my eyes with a dull knife than go in there. I couldn't believe this shit. My contract said that I would be involved in dangerous, possibly fatal activities. I was expected to take a bullet for Ranger or Steph. Nowhere did it say anything about a fucking fortune teller. I had to escort Steph the day she went to a fortune teller? What was next, a fucking séance? I wanted to wait in the car. Shit. It was probably some 90 year old lady with a cat. A fucking old lady with a cat wasn't dangerous. And Steph could probably take her. There was no fucking way her stalker could be in there. I could just wait here in the car and guard the entrance. But then I remembered tank's admonition not to let Steph out of my sight.

Fuck. I had better get fucking hazardous duty pay for this shit. I liked Steph , a lot, after all, she was once my wife. But I did have my limits. Being a bodyguard, I led Steph to the door of the , uh, establishment , past the garish neon sign that read " for une tell ng." No sooner had we reached the door than it was suddenly jerked open. The sudden movement had me instinctively pushing Steph behind me and reaching for the butt of my gun.

Lula ran ahead of Steph. " Look, its Madame Vanessa- just like on Good Morning Trenton. She's gonna tell us how to get lucky." Shit. Maybe I'd get lucky and have a meteor fall out of the sky, land on my head and kill me. But it was not to be. I followed Lula and Steph as they followed freak-woman into the house.

Madame Vanessa led them inside to the register. " $25 to get your fortune. That's fucking insane. How are we gonna get rich if we have to pay $25 to get our fortunes." Lula was complaining loudly. I shuddered as I watched her reach under the Day-Glo pink top into her massive cleavage and pull a small wad of bills from between her breasts. Fuck. I was going to have nightmares about that. Steph just paid the $25 without bitching. I was actually mesmerized by Madame Vanessa's breasts. They were large and she had this jewel thing hanging in between them. Her low cut shirt thing barely covered her nipples, leaving the rest of her cleavage exposed. Ok, this wasn't such bad duty.

Madame Vanessa led Steph and Lula into a darkened room and had them sit at a round table. I stood near the entrance and tried to pretend that none of this shit was happening. Steph and Lula were laughing and giggling. Steph was really cute when she giggled, and I did sort of owe her for coming to check on me in the hospital. I smiled back at her.

"Tell us how we gonna get rich" Lula was commanding. Madame Vanessa made them hold hands and then closed her eyes. With any luck, she'd fall asleep and then we can get the fuck out of here, I thought.

Steph and Lula had their eyes closed and sat in silence. Shit. I had never seen Steph so quiet or so still, well, ever. Madame Vanessa stared off into space. " I see a man…" Lula squealed, " hear that white girl? We're gonna get a man. That means you're gonna get to bang Ranger. " Lula and Steph were squealing excitedly. I couldn't believe this shit. They come in with a badass studly man. Of course she sees a man.

Madame Vanessa continued in a singsong voice. " Someone, I see someone who is sad…is anyone you know sad…or ill maybe…" Lula screeched again nearing piercing my eardrums. "Yeah. Connie has the flu. Remember she's ill. Boy, this fortune teller is good." I sighed and contemplated stabbing myself with my knife just to get out of this misery.

Madame Vanessa grabbed Steph's hand suddenly, and I instinctively started forward. She looked at Steph's palm." Your life line is jagged. Maybe you will have some problems." Steph nodded. "yes, that's it! I have had some problems with my job. I'm not very good at it." Holy fuck! I couldn't believe they were falling for this shit. I wanted to gag. " You will have problems" is so damn vague it could apply to anyone. A good fortune teller would be specific, like, " You will be hit by a bus tomorrow." That would be some serious fortune telling.

I stood at parade rest fantasizing about getting the hell out of there. Madame Vanessa rolled a set of dice with weird looking letters on them. Dice? Hot damn. Now we're talking. I love dice. Especially craps. Madame Vanessa said, " the runes say that you will have a change of fortune." Steph finally looked dubious, but Lula screeched. " hear that? We gonna get a fortune. The runes said it. Runes don't lie!" , Lula proclaimed. Vanessa rolled the funny dice again- "ooh, your fortune may be short lived." Lula screeched " short lived? Someone gonna take my fortune from me? No one is takin my fortune from me. I'll shoot their ass…" Lula started to draw her gun , but I grabbed it from her before she could and put it in my utility belt with my gun collection.

Madame Vanessa pulled out a set of cards. " lets read the cards" she said in that annoying fucking voice. Ok, if she pulls out a Ouiji board we are fucking out of here.

Madame Vanessa threw two cards on the table then gasped dramatically. Steph and Lula gasped too. "The cards say that you will lose money. " No fucking shit. They both just lost $25 paying for this shit. "But then love, you will find a man…" Lula looked sideways at me. No fucking way. I'd rip my dick off first. I couldn't believe that Steph was going for this shit. Lula maybe, since she was wacked anyway. But Steph was smarter than this.

Madame Crazy threw down another card with a demented looking clown on it, and I decided that God really hated me. " Oh, no. " She said dramatically. " it's the clown card." What the fuck? Clown card? What the fuck did that mean? You were going to go to a circus? Lula jumped up and was screaming, pointing at the card. " Steph,look, it's the clown card. That clown card is bad news. I don't want no sunnfabitch clowns messign with me. I'll shoot that damn clown…."

I felt myself laugh and quickly covered it with a coughing fit. Lula pointed at me. " The clown card did it. It already made him choke." She threw the card on the floor and stomped on it with her green stilettos. " I'll pound you, goddamn clown , fucking clown.

Madame Vanessa turned up the lights and led them to the door. About fucking time. There wasn't enough money in the world to compensate me for this shit. Steph and Lula were chattering happily, speculating wildly about Madame Vanessa's amazingly vague predictions. Lula got into the SUV looking frantically out the window. " Manny, look around make sure there aint no clowns standing around. Goddamn clowns –not gonna curse me."

I stifled a smile and managed to drive Lula back to the bonds office without bursting into laughter. After Lula got out, Steph sat next to me in the front seat. She was quiet, which was not normal for her. Fuck. I was afraid to even imagine what she was thinking. She looked at me sideways and smiled. "That was fun."

I got Steph into the building and checked in with Tank. " How did it go?" he asked, smirking. He'd tracked Steph's GPS, so he knew exactly where we'd been. Asshole. One thing I could predict for my future. I was never fucking doing that again.


	13. Chapter 13

Guarding Stephanie-Part 13

Apparently, I posted this before in HTML, and the punctutation came out. Here is is as Word.

Please leave feedback, as I live for it.

Zip's POV

I felt the color drain from my face, as I looked down at the duty roster. God. Fucking. Hates. Me. My eyes slowly travelled from the duty roster to Tank's stupidly- grinning face. I really wanted to punch that stupid ass smirk off his face.

"No fucking way," I said.

" Yes, fucking way," he said.

I ran my hands over my military short, close cropped light brown hair and sighed. I knew I was whining like a goddamn baby, but , …

" Why me? Why can't Lester do it? Or Bobby? Or anyone fucking else but me?" I could see Lester and Bobby, those assholes, hiding behind the walls of their cubicles, and heard their muffled laughter . At me. Fuckers.

Tank frowned, and his eyes narrowed, a scary sight. He was obviously not used to having his assignments questioned.

" Lester and Bobby have to service a contract. Binkie is off today. Woody is with Ranger chasing that skip that fled to New York City. Besides, no one else wanted this assignment, and you are the newest guy, so guess what ? Its all yours. Sucks to be a proby." Well, I wasn't exactly a proby, but I was the newest guy in the company.

" And remember, Steph's stalker actually has a shrine to her. He knows her every movement. Ranger wanted her to stay in the building, but she has to do this today. So you are not to let her get out of arm's reach, and definitely not out of your sight, understood?"

"Yes, sir," I mumbled, knowing that any further protest would be useless.

Tank turned and stalked off. Lester came out from his hiding place in his cubicle, still snickering.

" You might want to wear a cup," he suggested smugly. "Oh, and don't forget to check the old lady for weapons," he added.

"Yeah, you might have to strip search her," Bobby added, nearly bent over from laughter.

I shuddered. It was going to take a hell of a lot of porn to get that visual out of my head.

"Assholes," I yelled after them.

Working for Rangeman is a lot like being in the military. You can be given any assignment at any time with very little notice and often no preparation. Like the military, a lot of the assignments are mind numbingly- boring until they become life and death exciting. I really like working at Rangeman. The pay is great, and I get to use a lot of the skills I am good at. Plus, the chicks are fucking unbelievable. I can get any chick I want any time I want. I have light brown hair, brown eyes. I am 6 feet tall and just under 300 pounds of pure muscle. Chicks love me.

I sighed and went to my desk again to wait for Steph. It wasn't that I minded guarding Steph. I don't work as closely with her as some of the guys do, but I like her. She's cute , funny, sweet and almost completely unable to take care of herself. I have been out "skip tracing " with her, and believe me, she gets skips in spite of herself. She has a lot more luck than skill.

The problem with this assignment wasn't Steph, it was the goddamn old lady, Steph's grandma. Edna Mazur, also known the "fucking crazy old broad.( F-COB)" .The guys who work for this company are mostly hardened, ex-Special Forces badasses. All have seen active duty in war zones, firefights, some have actually been caught and tortured. None of us are afraid of anything – EXCEPT Edna Mazur. She is totally crazy and outrageous and we can't exactly hit her, she's a fucking old lady. So you have to figure out a way to handle the situation while still being polite. I am a former Navy SEAL- there is NOTHING I can't handle- except this.

Steph came into the control room, wearing a tight fitting black dress that came just above her knee. It was just low cut enough to show the top swell of her breasts and fire the imagination as to what was under it. Her hair framed her face in gentle waves, and she had a lot of eye gunk on that made her eyes stand out. She looked gorgeous. She was fucking hot and TOTALLY off limits. She was Ranger's woman. The first thing you learn in this company is that Steph is off limits. I am always polite and nice to her, but some of the guys really got familiar with her. I didn't get familiar with her, I was too afraid that Ranger would kick my ass.

I made sure that I had my weapon loaded, my ultilty belt filled, grabbed the "Steph emergency bag" and led Steph out the door. " You are not to be outside of my arm's reach at any time tonight, for any reason, understood?"

She smiled, "Sure Zip." She didn't usually acquiesce that easily, so she must really have been scared of the stalker. Then again, there is no way of knowing if she will actually stay close to me. Steph is the only one in this company who dares to defy orders, and she usually gets away with it.

Steph looked up at me apologetically. " Zip, I'm sorry about this. But I promised Grandma that I'd take her to a Jerome Felisky's viewing tonight. She loves to go to viewings. And she is still banned from the other funeral homes."

Fuck. A fucking funeral. I didn't like funerals. I didn't even like going to funeral of people I knew, let alone total strangers. I didn't even intend to go to my own funeral. But a mission is a mission.

Steph chatted on and on until we pulled up in front of her parent's house. The old broad was already halfway down the walk.

Steph ran up and met her. "Grandma, this is Zip. He's our security for tonight. "

The old lady grabbed my ass and pinched. Shit.

" Ooh, another one of them Rangemen? "Her eyes roamed my body in a way that made my skin crawl. "He looks like he has quite the package. " She grabbed me hard and squeezed.

"If that Ranger won't have sex with you, you should do him." She looked at me. " You think my daughter is pretty?"

"Yes, ma'am ", I answered. Steph is pretty, but I couldn't believe the fucking old lady grabbed my crotch. Good thing I had a cup on. Ranger better fucking pay me a bonus for this. I stopped and helped her into the back seat of the SUV. I grabbed for her purse. " Mrs. Mazur, ma'am, I need to check your purse."

I dug through her purse, but didn't find a gun. I knew better than to assume she didn't have one.

" Mrs. Mazur, do you have any weapons on you?"

Her eyes rolled and then she looked down at her shirt.

I gave an unmanly shudder. I was SO not going there. No bonus was big enough. I turned and gave Steph my best 'adorable grin," and bless her heart, she came to my aid. She held out her hand. " Grandma?"

Mrs. Mazur locked eyes with Steph for a moment, then took the .22 out of her bosom and gave it to Steph. Steph handed it to me, and I took it in a two fingered grip. I did NOT want to think about where it had just been. I made sure the gun was unloaded, and put it in the glove box.

Steph was explaining to her grandma. " Grandma, Zip is here for our security because someone has been threatening me. We need to be sure to do everything that he tells us to do."

I had to keep from laughing at Steph, of all people, telling someone to obey directions. I kept checking the rear view, Mrs.. Mazur kept winking at me. Shit. That is just gross.

The old lady started talking excitedly about the viewing. "This is going to be a pip." Steph was half turned in her seat, listening. " Old Jeromewas 90. He used too much Viagra, and his pecker swelled up. His cock ring got stuck on his penis and it caused a blood clot and gave him a stroke."

Holy fuck! I almost drove off the road at the thought of a ninety year old man with a swollen dick and a cock ring. And hearing the word cock ring for the mouth of an old lady was enough to make me need therapy. Still, - the old guy was my hero- 90 years old and using a cock ring.

Steph actually blushed. She is really adorable when she does that.

We got to Haverson's Funeral Home and into a spot right in front of the door. I checked my Glock and my auxiliary weapon. I got out, but made Steph and the old lady wait in the car until I had scoped out the immediate area. I helped Steph and Mrs. Mazur out and quickly hustled them into the funeral home.

Why the fuck do they call it a funeral HOME anyway? Not like anyone lives there, no living people anyway. Only dead people.

As soon as we crossed the threshold, Mrs. Mazur went running in, looking for the cookies. She dragged Steph over to a small table with cookies, cheese and punch.

"These cookies are way better than the ones at Fox's funeral home. Theirs are always stale."

Shit? They were comparing the fucking cookies at the different funeral homes?

Everyone here looked about 100 years old. An old skeletal looking man came walking up to us. " Mrs. Mazur… you aren't supposed to come back here," he cried, looking unhappy.

" Now, Mr. Haverson, what happened last time was an accident. " , Mrs. Mazur said.

Steph smiled at the old man. " I will keep an eye on her , don't worry."

Mr. Skeletor gave me haughty look. " Sir, we do not allow weapons in here."

"You do now. I am security for Ms. Plum." Guy had a lot of balls confronting me, considering I could fucking snap him in two.

I fucking hates these places. I can't breathe in these places with the damn smell of incense and flowers that covers up the smell of death. I wasn't afraid of death, but places like this were just freaking morbid. Looking at pasty dead people.

I preceded Steph into the "viewing area" , checking out the surroundings. I was the only one in the room under 60. Mrs. Mazur came into the room behind Steph, and went up to a couple of old ladies. I could hear them whispering loudly about 'my package." Shit.

Steph and Mrs. Mazur walked up to the casket. I stayed next to Steph, keeping her within arm's reach. They stared at the body in the open casket. " Oh, he looks so good," Mrs. Mazur said. " I can't believe how good he looks."

Is she fucking kidding? He's all white and he looks, well, he looks fucking dead. He's dead, how do they expect him to look?

I heard Steph sniffle, and bent down. Shit. She was crying. I didn't even think she knew the old guy. "Hey, Steph, are you ok?", I asked. She sniffed, wiping her eyes on a Kleenex. " Yeah, I just always cry at these things." A few tears turned into a lot of tears and I put her head on my shoulder.

Her mascara and eye stuff was running and she looked like a raccoon. Ok, I may be a dick, but I though she looked sexy as hell. Ranger is a lucky fuck. " Shit. Is my eye makeup running?"

"Yeah, a little. But it looks really hot." I gave her one of my killer smiles.

Steph left the old lady at the coffin, and I followed her to a large mirror over a table of fake flowers. She was trying to fix herself up in the mirror.

" Zip, I am going to have to go to the ladies room to fix my makeup. Will you keep an eye on Grandma?"

What? Fuck no. Fuck grandma. Steph was my responsibility.

" I am not letting you anywhere that I can't get to you."

'Zip, its not like my stalker is here. None of these people is under 80."

I followed her to the ladies room, and I did knock, but then I went in and made sure it was empty.

" You have five minutes," I said, and stood outside the door.

Ten minutes later, she came out, her eye makeup perfect again.

She had just come out when there was a loud BANG! noise, followed by a lot of screams. I reacted instinctively, shoving Steph down and into a secluded corner. I handed her my spare gun and said told her to stay there.

I ran into the main viewing room and -

The goatfuck had turned into an enormous cluster fuck.

The coffin had been knocked off its platform and was now sitting on its side on the floor, the bottom half had opened, and old Mr. Felisky had rolled out. Grandma Mazur was straddling him and had his pants open to expose his shriveled cock, still encased by its cock ring. I was going to have nightmares about this for years to come.

Steph came running in behind me, probably wondering what the screams and gasps were all about. She's so obedient to following orders as usual.

She let out a little yelp, then handed me my gun.

" Grandma, what the hell are you doing?" She ran up to get her grandmother off the dead guy.

"Eloise said that they were burying Jerome with the cock ring, and I needed to see for myself."

I know it is tacky, but I couldn't help myself. When else do you get to see a 90 year old dead guy with a cock ring? I glanced at Steph to make sure she was ok. Then I discreetly whipped out my cellphone and started taking pictures.

Santos and Brown were not going to believe this shit.

Mr. Skeletor came rushing into the room looking like he was going to have a coronary.

"Edna Mazur," Skelator was screaming. " Get out! Now!"

Stephanie was blushing furiously, mortified, helping the old lady up.

The carefully arranged coffin and dead guy were still sprawled all over the floor , like a tornado had hit them. A tornado named Edna Mazur.

Mr. Skelator pointed at me. He actually fucking pointed at me.

"Young man, will you give me a hand here?"

What. The. Fuck? He wanted me to turn over the coffin and help put the old dead guy back into it?

Ok, carrying dead old guys with shriveled dicks and cock rings was absolutely not in my contract.

I took Steph's arm. She was almost ready to cry again, she was so embarrassed.

"Sorry, Ms. Plum is my responsibility and she is leaving."

" I was just checking his cock ring!, Edna kept yelling out, trying to break out of Steph's hold.

I practically had to drag the old lady out of there.

" Grandma, " I can't believe you did that. You promised you weren't going to screw up any more funerals. Dad just finished paying off the damages from the last time!" " Steph helped her grandmother into the SUV, then sat quietly in the front seat, her head in her hands.

Steph was unusually quiet as we took Edna back to her house, gave her back her gun, minus the ammo, and I escorted her to the door.

When we got back to Rangeman , Steph grabbed my hand in the elevator. " Zip, I am so sorry about tonight. I was mortified, so you must have been really embarrassed.

" No problem, Steph," I said, and gave her a hug. She went to the seventh floor, no doubt to head to bed.

I reported in to Tank. Bobby and Lester were just coming in from surveillance. Apparently, everyone had heard about the disturbance at the funeral home.

" Santos, check this out." I showed him and Bobby the pics of the dead guy with the cock ring, then emailed it to the rest of the guys.

It was only 9:30, but I went up to my apartment. I had to erase the visuals from tonight with lots and lots of porn. Tomorrow, I was getting a cock ring.


End file.
